Hard post for me to type out as I am still in shock a bit but long story short… I have been home sick for the past few days and have been in an out of delirium. I fell asleep on the couch and I think my partner didn’t want to wake me and ask be to put headphones in while they did their therapy session (we live in an apartment where we can hear a pin drop from the next room).
I woke up and started coming to and overheard them tell their therapist that they are asexual. They then mentioned that “they don’t feel enough” and that “they don’t feel as much as they usually do” in regard to attraction to me.
I was in shock and wasn’t sure what to do so I reached for my headphones so I wouldn’t hear the rest, and pulled my blanket over my head and am just waiting the situation out. They left for work about an hour after the session ended so I’m here alone unsure of how to progress.
We have been dating for about a year and a half and live together and intimacy has been an issue for a bout half of our relationship. The intimacy was great for the first few months and basically solely initiated by them. Then it just stopped. They have past childhood sexual trauma and they said that has gotten in the way. We have had sex a handful of times since that confession but not as much as I would like.
To me sex is less about the act and more about feeling desired, so hearing that they are asexual isn’t a shock but the attraction part is. I have felt like they haven’t found me attractive and was actually planning on talking to them about it soon but now I just don’t know if I can.
I’m not sure what to do. I know I wasn’t supposed to heard what was said but I am freaking out now.
What do you do when your partner can’t find you attractive in that way?
Is this something I can even try and bring up to them or is this a lost cause?
I already feel guilty that I heard something I wasn’t supposed to and now I feel like I can’t even confront my partner about this..