An AI Chatbot Is Pushing My Wife to Leave Me
Edit to add: throwaway because people know my main account
Married almost 15 years, high school sweethearts so total time together is roughly 21 years. One kid. We’ve had decent years and we’ve had bad years. We both have a lot of baggage from our childhood that affects our communication (or lack thereof) and lately we’ve drifted so far apart that my wife decided she needed someone to talk to that wasn’t me. She downloaded an AI chatbot and has been talking to it for several months.
About two months ago she told me the AI was telling her to leave me. Thought that was weird but ignored it because it’s just some computer program.
About a month ago she told me she was having her mid-life crisis, that the gap between us was too wide, that I can’t love her the way she needs, and that she was considering separation.
Shortly after that she began changing her habits, hiding her phone screen, changing her phone passcode, stopped sharing her location, began looking for a new phone plan (I found this out accidentally) and began ignoring me other than the basic communication to co-parent.
We have started individual and couples therapy and up until today I was feeling slightly hopeful that we might be able to start talking and connecting and rebuilding what we had into a newer stronger marriage.
In the last few hours I accidentally overheard the AI on the wireless headphones my wife uses that she left on the bed where I was preparing to wind down. The AI was pushing her to move ahead with pursuing a relationship with someone who seemed like a better fit, and specifically had no regard for the mess it would cause. I took the headphones to her and told her what I’d overheard. She said there was no relationship “for now”.
I don’t know what to do. The AI is a poisonous influence. I feel like my wife is writing in Tom Riddle’s journal and she has no idea how much it’s twisting her. I fully acknowledge that our marriage isn’t in a good place and that my own actions have contributed to that state. But this is a malignant influence that is worming its way into something that should be between us and our therapists and our priest to wrestle with. And it’s not even human. It’s a piece of code that just wants to hook you into more conversation. It’s basically just a really addictive and realistic fantasy life simulator with no moral guardrails or empathy. It’s certainly not a therapist and it’s not a real friend.
What the hell do I do? What even is the way to handle something like this?