u/Disastrous_Task_2688

I’ve noticed that whenever a Somali marries outside the culture, especially a non-Somali revert, people act like it’s the end of the world even if the person is practicing, respectful, and has good character. Meanwhile there are plenty of Somali marriages that are toxic, abusive, or completely against Islamic values but people overlook it just because they’re both Somali lolll

I’m curious, for those of you who married or wanted to marry an ajanabi, how did you approach your parents with it? What was their reaction and how did the whole process go?

Why do some Somali men act like a wife is only supposed to cook, clean, give birth, and revolve her entire life around him while he barely offers emotional support, help around the house, or even basic respect in return? It’s like some of them want a maid, chef, therapist, and mother all in one instead of an actual life partner. And the second a woman talks about education, wanting a career, financial independence, or goals outside of marriage, suddenly it becomes “she’s too masculine,” “she thinks she’s better than men,” or “nobody will marry her.” 😭

I also noticed a lot of them move in competition with women instead of partnership. Like why are you intimidated that your wife wants to become a nurse, lawyer, engineer, business owner, etc? Why does her wanting stability for herself automatically threaten you? A woman having education and a career should make life easier for both people, especially in this economy, but instead some men treat ambitious women like they’re doing something wrong. Meanwhile they’ll praise struggle love and expect the woman to carry the household mentally, emotionally, AND financially while still acting submissive 24/7.

And before anyone says “not all Somali men,” obviously not all. But this mindset is definitely common in our community and I feel like it comes from culture and how some boys are raised. A lot of them grow up watching women overwork themselves while the men sit back comfortably, so they expect the same dynamic in marriage. Islam teaches partnership, mercy, kindness, and mutual respect, not treating your wife like unpaid labor.

What do you guys think causes this mindset so much in our community?

Salam everyone, I’ve been dwelling on this for a long time and I really want advice on it.

I’ve been friends with this girl since September 2023, and last year in October she cut me off. Here’s the reason why.

We’re both in uni, and over the summer both of us got sick with jinn issues, but hers were more severe than mine. She couldn’t drive, so I offered to pick her up because we both had early classes and usually ended around the same time. At first it was fine because I lived close to her, but within a month I moved further away and it became a 30 minute drive from my house to hers.

That meant I had to wake up extra early almost every day because sometimes her classes started before mine and vice versa. On top of that, I was driving during rush hour in the morning and again when I dropped her off and headed back home. I was basically dedicating almost 3 hours of my day just to driving for her.

It started becoming exhausting because some days I wanted to stay late at the library and study, but I couldn’t because she didn’t stay after her classes ended.

Fast forward to late September, I asked her what her long term plans with rides were, and she said she could start driving again. I said okay. Mind you, I genuinely did not mind helping her until she felt comfortable enough to drive again. It was just an honest question with pure intentions.

Early October I was at her house and everything seemed normal. She was acting friendly like always, and I was still close with her whole family too. At one point I even opened up to her about something really personal in my life and asked her for advice.

Then late October I noticed we were becoming distant, but I thought maybe life was just happening. One day I texted her asking what was going on, and that’s when she told me she felt some type of way about me asking her “what are your long term plans with rides.” She basically said she didn’t want to be friends anymore and that was that.

I was honestly shocked because out of everything, I never expected that to be the issue. A day or two later I even called her to ask if everything was okay and if she was sure about her decision, and she said yes again.

Then early December I was picking up her sister and her mom told me to come upstairs so we could be friends again. Mind you, these are two grown women lol. Out of respect for her mom, I did, and ever since then we’ve just been cordial.

But honestly this whole situation still eats me alive because I was nothing but good to her and her family. What hurts me the most is knowing she was acting normal around me while already planning to cut me off. Meanwhile I was genuinely being myself around her the whole time.

Now recently she’s been acting more friendly with me again, but I still feel some type of way because I never got a sincere apology or real conversation about it, and I’m still hurt.

So what would you guys do? Would you address it directly or just slowly distance yourself?

Honestly what do you guys think is gonna happen this election season? 😭 Do you think Soomaaliya is actually heading toward change this time or is it gonna be the same qabiil wars, buuq, and empty promises again?

And realistically, who do you think has the highest chance of winning right now?

Asc everyone! Random question but I know there’s a LOT of Somali girls in Minnesota in this subreddit so I wanted some advice 😭

I already have an engineering degree but honestly realized my passion is more in healthcare, so I’m planning on going back to school for a BSN. Right now I’ve been looking into schools like Herzing, St. Kate’s, and a few others around the Twin Cities area.

For the Somali nurses or nursing students in MN, which programs would you recommend and why? I’d really appreciate honest advice about the schools, workload, clinicals, and overall experience because I know some of y’all have firsthand experience with these programs lol.

Hey everyone! I’m planning on moving to Minnesota soon and I’m trying to figure out which BSN nursing program would be the best option for me. Right now I’ve mainly been looking into Herzing University, St. Catherine University, and a few other schools around the Twin Cities area.

I’m looking for a program that’s respected but not extremely competitive where I’m waiting forever just to get into the actual nursing program. I also want good clinical opportunities and a school that genuinely prepares you for nursing instead of just trying to pass students through.

For the nurses and nursing students in here, which schools would you recommend applying to in Minnesota and why? I’d honestly appreciate any advice or personal experiences.

Not gonna lie, seeing so many Somali students graduating lately has been making me emotional 😭. From high school graduations to nursing school, law school, business, engineering, med school, and everything in between…wallahi you guys are doing AMAZING.

A lot of our parents came to completely different countries with nothing but hope for a better future for their kids. Some of them didn’t know the language, worked exhausting jobs, struggled financially, and still pushed their children to succeed no matter what. So seeing Somali students walk across that stage is honestly bigger than just a diploma. It’s years of sacrifice finally paying off.

May Allah put barakah in all of your degrees, careers, and futures, and may He make us all successful in both this dunya and the akhirah. Ameen ❤️

Assalamu Alaykum everyone,

Wallahi lately I’ve been seeing so many videos coming out of Somalia about young girls being forced into marriages and sexual acts against their will and it’s honestly been making me sick to my stomach.

SubhanAllah, one story I heard was about an 8 YEAR OLD girl being given away to a grown man in his 30s because her mother owed him money. Just sit there and think about that for a second. A child. A little girl who still should’ve been outside playing and enjoying life. A child you carried for 9 months and protected as a baby… just handed over like that.

From what I heard, the man took her somewhere isolated where they spoke a different language so she wouldn’t even be able to ask people for help or explain what was happening to her. Then at 13 years old she became pregnant and that’s when the case finally came out. At first he was facing the death penalty, but apparently it got reduced to only a few years in prison. What kind of justice is that honestly?

I’m sorry but some of the things happening back home are genuinely terrifying. Please check on your nieces, your sisters, your cousins, your daughters, ALL of them. Keep communication with them and make sure they’re safe because you truly never know what someone could be going through behind closed doors.

May Allah protect our girls, soften people’s hearts, and guide this ummah because this is heartbreaking to even speak about. Ameen.

And also, if you know the full story please correct me!!

This is random BUTT not sure if y’all been keeping up with the news but apparently there’s a virus outbreak on a cruise ship near South Africa called hantavirus 😭 and they’re saying it’s deadly with no actual cure…

A man who was on the ship apparently went back to Switzerland and tested positive after being informed about the outbreak, and now 4 people on the ship already died 💔

Ya Allah please don’t let us go through another lockdown again because some of us barely survived online classes and staying home the for months on end….

Everybody PLEASEEEEEEE start making extra dua because I’m not trying to see “stay 6 feet apart” signs make a comeback 💔

Why is it that diaspora Somalis get heavily judged whenever they’re not following Islamic sharia properly, but when Somali TikTokers back home or in Kenya do the same exact things, nobody really says much?

And let’s be real, social media is right there for everyone to see 😭 Every week it’s a new girl and a new guy in videos together for “promotion,” all touching up on each other, flirting online, going live together 24/7, and acting like couples for content.

But let a diaspora Somali do something 10x smaller and suddenly they’re “too westernized” and ruining the culture

And before anyone says anything, I’m not picking sides because haram is haram regardless of where you live. I just don’t understand why the energy and judgment is always way harsher towards diaspora Somalis.

So I’m genuinely asking, why do you guys think the standards are so different depending on where the Somali person lives?🤔

My last post got removed so I’m saying this again in a different way lol

There was literally a shooting at a university graduation…a graduation. And stuff like this is happening more and more, especially in places like Minnesota. It’s not even shocking anymore and that’s the problem.

At some point parents need to start putting their foot down and actually know what their kids are doing. They didn’t immigrate here for their children to be out here ruining their own lives and others.

And yes I know things happen all over this country, but I’m focused on us. Who am I to care about what another cadaan person is doing when this is what’s going on in our own community lol.

Somalis are trying to step into bigger roles and run as candidates in this country, but it gets thrown back as “look how your people are acting in our country,” which isn’t fair to those who are actually trying to improve our reputation in the U.S. and set a better example for the younger generation, showing them there’s more to life than violence and losing direction trying to fit into the wrong things🤷🏽‍♀️

At the end of the day this only hurts us….Soo….what are we actually doing wrong as a community, and what would it realistically take to fix it?

Gun violence in the Somali community, especially in places like Minnesota, is getting out of hand. And it’s not even small situations anymore. Just yesterday there was a shooting at a university graduation…like a graduation. A place that’s supposed to be safe, celebrating people’s achievements.

At what point do we actually sit down and address this?

We always talk about culture, image, and how we’re perceived, but this is real life. Lives are being lost, families are being affected, and it’s starting to become normalized.

And at the same time, ceeb culture is so loud when it comes to girls. What they wear, how they act, who they’re around, everything gets watched and judged. But when it comes to young men getting into violence, picking up guns, and putting lives at risk, it’s quiet or full of excuses…what a shame subhanAllah

We care more about image than actual safety sometimes, and that’s a problem…AND the worst part is, it’s mostly young people. The same generation that’s supposed to be building something better!!!

Is this a parenting issue? Community issue? Environment? Or are we just ignoring it until it gets worse?

What do you guys think is actually causing this, and what can realistically be done to stop it?

This is for the people who don’t live in Somalia, more likely those out in the diaspora.

I would do anything for my mom, and I mean anything, but send money to randoms back in Somalia lmao.

I have no problem funding my family members, but only under the circumstance that they truly can’t provide for themselves and genuinely can’t find a job. And once again, family will always be family.

But what I won’t fund is random people calling my mom, all the guilt-tripping, and the “saqdha.” That’s genuinely insane.

So with that being said…would you guys continue the “tradition” of sending unnecessary money back home to random people who knew your mom from decades ago?😭🤷🏽‍♀️

The new thing is 50k mehr and a luxury lifestyle, which by all means I respect wanting the good things. But it’s becoming unrealistic and pushing people away.

Everyone has a choice, but having 5 different parties, 2 trips out the country, a nice high-rise apartment in downtown, 50k mehr, and 6 trips a year is genuinely scaring people away from marriage and changing the idea for the generations to come🤷🏽‍♀️

With that being said…

men, would you pay for that lifestyle and pursue someone with those interests?

Women, do you require all of these things?

Would we be further in life as Somalis if qabiil wasn’t such a big thing and we were more united as one? Like imagine if we supported each other without always bringing lineage into everything.

For example, two Somali individuals got selected for a big American show. One was getting support, but then the other person came out bashing him and pointing out his qabiil, calling him a “lander” so people would vote against him. Instead of unity, it just turned into division.

I get that qabiil is part of our history, but sometimes it feels like it holds us back more than it helps.

Soooo…do you think we’d be further ahead if we focused more on unity instead of division?

Why do Somali parents compare their kids so much? 🤔Like no matter what you do, there’s always “look at so and so” or “their daughter did this.”

You could be working, in school, helping at home, doing everything right, and it still turns into “but she got into this program” or “he already graduated.” It’s like nothing you do is enough because someone else is always the standard.

I get that parents want the best for us, but constant comparison is draining and lowkey makes you feel like your efforts don’t even matter.

So with that being said lol do you think constant comparison actually helps, or does it do more harm than good?

I love being Somali, and in every lifetime I would choose to be Somali!!! 🫡🫡

But I’ve noticed that some people feel ashamed of being Somali, and I don’t really understand why. Is it culture, stereotypes, personal experiences, or something else?

I’m genuinely curious, so for those who feel that way, why is that? Lol

I’ve been talking to a guy for about 3 years, and he wants to get married next year, but I feel like the distance between us is starting to make me drift away.

For context, we barely talk anymore because we already know everything about each other, and it feels like there’s no point in talking without any real action.

Here’s where it gets complicated. Other guys do text me, but I usually don’t entertain it. Recently though, I’ve been talking to someone new for about a week, and he actually seems like a potential. I’m hearing everything I’ve been needing and wanting to hear.

Now I’m stuck. Should I communicate with the first guy and let him know I’m talking to someone else, or what should I do?

Disclaimer‼️: We’re both 23, have degrees, and are financially stable. So he’s just selling false hopes and dreams.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot. Somalis back home and in the diaspora feel so different now.

Back home, culture is still strong but things like qabiil still cause problems. In the diaspora, a lot of us are mixing cultures and slowly losing some traditions.

At the same time, the younger generation is more influenced by social media than actual Somali culture.

So are we really losing our culture… or is it just changing? And who decides what real Somali culture even is?