u/Disastrous_Dog_96

Mich interessiert mal ein Stimmungsbild wie weit die meisten hier bei ihren Vorfahren in der Recherche kommen (also wann der älteste bekannte Vorfahre geboren ist)? Vor allem auch bei denjenigen, die keinen Adel oder so in der Familie haben. Bei mir komme ich bis etwa 1710, alles bürgerliche, weiß aber nicht wie (un)gewöhnlich das ist.

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So yeah, this is a bit of a doozie. I, 23 year old guy who is gay, am a student of history and also like to do some research into my own family history from time to time. Recently, through events at my parents‘, some folders my grandmother (dad’s side) kept on family stuff were rediscovered and my mom thought I might want to have a look. I was mainly interested in stuff to do with her dad, which is also a whole different crazy story, but little did I know I would also find all the documents concerning her divorce with my grandfather.
This all happened back in the early 70s so it’s quite some time ago, both my dad’s parents have been dead for some time. My dad saw his father the last time when he was about six, shortly before the divorce, and there had been no contact ever since. So I had no clue when I then read my grandmother‘s records about him living out his “homosexual proclivities”. I was quite baffled naturally, so I kept reading. Apparently she had some suspicions about him doing stuff behind her back so she first got the information from an acquaintance of his and then later hired a private investigator who confirmed her suspicions. They compiled a 14 page dossier with some, for the time, probably pretty damning evidence of him being active in the gay scene. So as far as the divorce was concerned, it was checkmate for him. They did a private deal where he acknowledged his fault for the divorce before the law but without naming a reason for it and gave up all rights to do with my dad concerning custody and visitation. In exchange, my grandmother didn’t make his homosexual activities a legal issue in the divorce or any other way (where I live, it was still criminalised at that time).
And that was pretty much the end of that story, as I said there was no contact afterwards, my dad got to know the story from his mom at some point and has long since made his final conclusions. The reason this interests me so much is because I always thought I was the only queer person in the wider family. And also the fact that my experience of sexuality is an entirely different one today. Nobody would ever expect me to marry a woman and I don’t have to fear any sort of criminalisation for an intrinsic part of myself. What I don’t really know is how to feel about the personal part of all of this. On the one hand I do feel empathy for my grandfather as the situation he was in and the personal agony he must have experienced were likely horrific. But on the other hand, he did also lead a secret life and cheat on my grandmother. Nobody forced him to marry her, even if there were societal pressures. I guess I don’t really have to draw a conclusion there but it still kinda shakes up my identity in the sense of asking myself how I would have acted in such a time. I don’t know too many queer people, so I just thought I‘d put the story out here and ask your opinions. How do you view this and how do you think you would feel/act if you came across something like this?