u/Dirori2001

Decided to jump on the trend. If anyone else wants to try this here is a link to the site

https://www.scribd.com/document/893142541/Vivi-s-Enneagram-Subtype-Descriptions#google\_vignette

So for my introduction I am 24NB. Im from a south asian country. I love journalling writing watching movies and anime and drawing. I also love talking to my friends and posting on social media. I am a lesbian. I am currently diagnosed with BPD and depression but I suspect having AuDHD and I will soon be seeking assesment for it. I had a rough childhood and my early 20s were pretty rough as well. But right now things got a little better as I am seeking treatment and my parents are taking care of me. So thats all

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For a short introduction. I am 24NB from a south asian country. I am currently a student and studying to become a teacher in future. I love anime, movies, old music from 60s to 2000s, classic rock music and the korean band Day6. Im also into some niche korean media like the otome game Mystic Messenger and Alien Stage. My favourite movie is Dead Poets Society. My hobbies are journalling, drawing, writing, and doing makeup.I also love collecting plushies. I am a lesbian. I also have mental health problems which very much affects my personality. I am currently diagnosed with BPD and Depression and I very likely might have Adhd and Autism for which I will soon be seeking assessment. I had quite a traumatic childhood with abuse, bullying and CSA but recently things have somewhat improved for me and my parents are taking care of me well. so yeah

What motivates you the most in life? Do you think you have a reasoning to your course of actions in your life? As in something you wish to gain or benefit from your actions.

There are a multitude of things which motivate me. I am motivated by the desire to cheer up someone to make someone laugh a little if they're having a bad day, I am motivated by love to be loved and to give love to others, I am also motivated by wanting to support the less privileged ones in my own ways even if I don't make big gestures, little gestures counts. I am motivated by the need to connect with people and to stay connected by them. I am also motivated by the desire to make friends due to shared interest. When I was a teenager I wanted to become a psychologist and destigmatise mental health. But now I want to become a special ed teacher and make subjects accessible and enjoyable for other neurodivergent children like me. I am also very much driven by pleasure as to what makes me feel good emotionally and emotional safety and trust as well

What do you think is something you fundamentally lack/is bad at? Something you acknowledge how it affects aspects of your

life?

I feel that I am a very lazy person and I get highly dependent on other people to the point that I get afraid of going outside my comfort zone and that has led me to miss out on a lot of things. I get intensely attached to people and I struggle with regulating my emotions

How do you deal with authority? Authority can mean anyone in a position of power, regardless of the place. Do you push against them, adhere to them, fear them, or do you think they are crucial for order to be established?

I do tend to be fearful of them because of my childhood trauma. I fear being punished by them and sometimes I end up hating them when they are being unjust. But if they end up being nice and affectionate towards me I tend to hold them in high regard and show them my affection too by complimenting them. I usually try to obey them as much as I can but if I don't like them and there is a loophole then I quietly disobey them

How important is your image in regards to how others perceive you? Do you want to be perceived in a certain way? Does it bother you if you are perceived in some other way than the one you wish to be perceived with?

Yes I do care about my image in regards to being liked. I don't really do well if I find out that someone hates me, I get very upset. Like- what did I do to earn their hatred, how should I change myself to be liked by this person. Again if the person in question is a bigot then I don't mind being hated because I don't think I can do anything about that

How important is financials, security, and survival to you? This includes having

sufficient resources, avoiding danger and maintaining a fundamental sense of structure and wellbeing. Do you seek to protect and retain mentioned themes?

Financial security is very important to me as it should be important to everyone because having more money grants us more access to valuable resources and things which makes us feel good. That being said I am personally not good with my own finances. I am an impulsive spender and often spend it on sweets and plushies and sometimes regret it.

What is your reaction and thoughts to others' rejection, criticism and disapproval of you?

I really don't do well with rejection at all. I very much fear it. It really upsets me and makes me feel awful. I also have a hard time with taking criticism very especially if it's a negative criticism which is thrown at me in a very rude way. It makes me want to cry and fills me with intense anger

What sort of events/situations in life that causes you anger? Anger is an emotion characterized by antagonism towards someone or something you feel has deliberately done you or others wrong. If there is any, elaborate on them.

Cruelty towards marginalized people, women and children ESPECIALLY children makes me seethe in rage and boils my blood. Besides that I also get angry when someone is rude to me and tries to humiliate me and put me down. Also when someone criticises me and tries to control my choices

Following the last question, do you think anger is necessary in life? How do you express your anger, or do you choose not to? Why and why not?

I think anger is necessary in life because it is the very reason why many of us have human rights. Anger is a feeling we get because we want to protect ourselves in some way but sometimes for some people they think hurting others is the way they protect themselves (or their entitlement or their fear of difference) so anger solely for the reason to hurt someone is not good at all.

When I get angry I usually try to suppress it because I am a conflict avoidant person until i cannot take it anymore and I end up exploding. I cry, yell slam doors and objects at times and sadly resort to self harm at times. Sometimes I get suicide ideations when i feel angry and sad.

What is the importance of knowledge to you? Are you trying to make sense of your everyday life? How much do you value information about everyday things?

I am a very curious person and I love to know things, especially if it's related to people, cultures, communities, pop media such as anime, books, movies etc. I really like to know more about people and things because it gives me a topic to converse with people about and also to understand people more as to why do they do what they do

What situations in life bring you the most guilt? Guilt is described as a feeling that you have committed a fault, which may be internal guilt towards yourself, or guilt towards your actions regarding another person. Do you frequently experience feelings of guilt?

I feel guilty when I don't have any cash to give to beggars, I feel very upset having to ignore them because I need the money. I also sometimes feel guilty about ignoring my brother and not being a good sister to him. Or when I made my parents upset because I hurt myself during an episode. I won't say I feel this frequently but I feel it from time to time

What makes you feel ashamed the most? Shame signifies a self-conscious emotion arising out of feeling that something is fundamentally wrong about oneself. Are you prone to such feelings often?

I feel ashamed about being “behind” in life. I failed my semesters in my english masters last year and im juggling between my B.Ed programme and giving supplementary exams of my failed semesters and not having a job at 24. Sure its because my mental health had a downfall since last year but still. I dont always think about it. I hate thinking about it and AVOID thinking about it but I do feel the shame when my mom compares me with my cousins or my relatives get a bit too curious about my personal life.

What makes you feel fearful the most? Fear is described as an emotion which warns us of the presence of danger or threat of harm, whether physical or psychological. May be internally ingrained feelings, or externally because of other people/situations.

I very much fear being abandoned and discarded by my loved ones, very much including my friends. It is very terrifying for me and I tend to spiral when I get abandoned. I also fear being rejected and hated by others. It makes me very angry and upset. Most importantly I also fear losing the current level of comfort I have, I fear change and uncertainty

Is it important for you to have a high social status, to be socially connected, to integrate/fit in and belong to a group? Is it something you work towards achieving?

For me having a high social status isnt quite important but yes having a social connection is. I do desire to integrate and belong to a group even though I struggle alot to do so because of my poor social skills but I try my best to adjust myself as much as I can and when I realise I cant fit in I tend to get very depressed and my low self esteem takes over me. Because of this sometimes i prefer being alone but I cant stand loneliness for too long

How much do you value issues related to the quality of your relationships with and maintaining relationships and connections?

I do value the issues relating to the quality of my relationships very much and I try my very best to avoid any conflicts. I get very scared when conflicts happen because I feel like the other person might leave me. I also get very anxious if I get left on seen

Would you consider yourself a self-sacrificing individual? How much time or resources are you willing to sacrifice to assist others or make things easier for others? Or are you simply seeking your own good and well-being?

To some extent when I am adjusting for others, yes I often hold back my feelings, my self sacrifice is more of an emotional labour for the most part only occasionally something more physical when I can. I guess if its genuinely possible for me to sacrifice a little without losing too much of myself then yeah oftentimes I end up doing more emotional labour and find myself getting drained out. And yeah to some extent I am also looking out for myself too as in if I dont get thanked or appreciated or at least seen for my efforts I get very upset.

What are your thoughts on expressing your vulnerability? Vulnerability is a willingness to express emotion or to allow its weaknesses to be visible or known. What makes you think or feel you are vulnerable?

I think we all need someone we can be vulnerable with because at the end of the day we have a need to share our pain too and be comforted. I personally sometimes struggle with vulnerability but I end up venting to my friends when I cant hold my emotions any longer and regret it a bit. But yeah I do seek to have people I can be emotionally safe with at my worst and I do have friends who are willing to listen to me and stayed with me despite seeing me at my worst

What makes you feel loved? How much do you want to be loved, and what is your reaction when someone stops giving you love?

I guess being appreciated for my efforts being thanked being seen and most importantly being reassured that I am not a “too much” to them. I also feel love when I am being supported for my decisions and also when people choose to stay. When someone stops giving me love, sometimes I question if I did something wrong. But I also get really really enraged and get consumed by rage towards the said person for abandoning me and not loving me anymore

What does rightful action mean to you? Do you try to steer others towards the right direction? How does it make you feel when someone doesn’t take your advice?

For me rightful action means standing up for the vulnerable and supporting them and being a kind person as much as you can. I do try my best to amplify voices and educate people if I feel like there is a misunderstanding because i initially tend to assume the best in people but if they turn out to be a bigot i feel very angry and disheartened. Even moreso if its a friend or someone i care about. I dont care much about stranger’s opinions as much I care about those associated with me. Even in other matters I feel a bit sad and angry

How do you feel when you see someone else in a worse situation than yours? Do you think about people like this often?

If its a global issue then I start thinking how strong they are for still fighting despite everything. But if its something I find out in a one on one conversation I feel like I am too stupid for being sad over something “less” and start to wish that I shouldve been through worse and I absolutely despise thinking like that because that feels stupid as well so I avoid thinking about it as much as I can

How much do other’s opinions of you influence your decisions? Does the perception of strangers have more of an influence on you than those of friends?

Yeah others opinions matters alot I seek others opinions first before eventually forming my own and I feel very distressed when I see people showing hatred towards my beloved fictional characters, shows, films, etc especially if those things are very close to my heart. So much that I feel myself physically shutting down and thats why I usually surround myself with people with same tastes as I have. I will say my friend’s judgement affects me more than that of strangers and I feel their judgements very deeply

What do you hope to get out of the connections you make with others? Do you nurture these relationships and hold them close? How do close relationships make you feel?

I hope to get love support encouragement and emotional safety from the connections I make with others. I try to nurture them as much as I can because I very much go by “treat others the way you want to be treated” so I compliment them alot support them alot try to comfort them when they are hurting, laugh with them cry with them be angry with them and for them. Having a close friendship makes me feel very needed and fulfilled like someone is happy to see me and to talk to me it makes me very happy to know that

Do your physical looks matter to you? How do you stylize and present yourself? Do you put a lot of effort into looking a certain way?

To some extent yes BUT if I like someone and if someone is important to me then their looks stops being a matter to me. Usually I dont have much energy due to my mental issues so I tend to dress lowkey but when I do dress up I dress up in a cutesy colorful Y2k revival style- I wear alot of hairclips. Colorful eyeliner or eyeshadow, glossy lips, strawberry earrings stacked bracelets sometimes, round glasses with metal frames. Plushies hanging from my tote bag.

If there was no one leading a disorganized team, would you step forward? If so, how would you lead? Do you think leadership is important?

I haven't really taken any leadership position as I usually prefer to be a follower but sometimes when I am with a bunch of introverts I become the person who speaks for them who communicates with the strangers for them so that they don't have to go through the anxiety. But if I am in a disorganised group I would try my best to boost the morale of the group and give them all my support and encourage them and advise them individually. And yes I think leadership is important to keep things organised.

Do you prefer to be independent or to have others to care for you? If you prefer to be independent, how do you feel when cared for? If you prefer to be dependent, how do you feel when you are on your own?

To be honest I want to be both independent and have someone take care of me. I want to be independent in the sense that I want to be able to go wherever I want, dress however I want and not have anyone pass judgement or control me over that. I also need someone to take care of me as my mental problems make it really hard for me to take care of myself and I am very prone to self neglect. I also want someone to be affectionate towards me and look out for my wellbeing without being too judgemental

Are you ambitious? How concerned are you with your success?

I really dont consider myself as an ambitious person and I dont really care much about success as long as people associated me and my loved ones are happy and supportive I am happy too

In an ideal world, where would you most like to be right now? Who would you most like to be?

Ideally, I wish to be in a European country with a girlfriend and living a comfortable and peaceful life. I admire alot of people but I dont really have anyone I want to become

How openly do you express your positive emotions? Your negative emotions? What relationship do you yourself have to your emotions?

I openly express my positive emotions, when I am happy I become more talkative more giddy and I cant stop thanking and complimenting the person who made me happy and sometimes I get physically affectionate too.

When it comes to my negative emotions however I try to suppress it and tend to think that I am just being overemotional because like I said before I initially assume most people to be good. Until the person who made me upset is gone and it all comes flooding back to me. If I feel angry for a social cause or for someone thats the only thing I openly express. I do later sometimes talk about my hurtful experiences when i have somewhat processed them to connect with people and be more relatable to others

Following the last question, what emotions do you dislike experiencing the most? What lengths do you go to avoid feeling these emotions? If they arise, how do you cope with these emotions?

To be honest I hate experiencing most negative feelings but I especially hate experiencing envy or jealousy because envy is a very nasty feeling which doesnt take long enough to turn into hatred and I do not want my perspective of people to be poisoned by this feeling. When such feelings arise I end up trying to distract myself using my old coping mechanisms- doomscrolling on phone or listening to music to the point I end up forgetting it

What does a romantic partner and relationship mean to you? Do you consider yourself a romantic type? How do you care for your partner?

By far I havent been in a romantic relationship but I do want a girlfriend someday. I would consider myself romantic since I do enjoy romance as a media genre and listen to romantic songs alot. If I get a partner I will try my best to support them emotionally I will encourage their interests I would comfort them when they are feeling down, lots of hugs and kisses, lots of gifts (usually cute gifts related to their interests)

What type of thing interests you the most? Do you prefer more creative tasks or analytical ones

I prefer more creative tasks. I love to write and draw alot. I love writing more though.I also love to do some crafts sometimes like making clay figurines.

How often do you feel things like anxiety and how do you cope with these emotions or stop these emotions from arising?

I am very anxiety prone but I hate feeling anxious, sometimes I end up avoiding seemingly harmless situations because of my anxiety. I tend to pace around alot and try to distract myself. Sometimes my brain starts playing random songs when I am anxious to put me at ease

What does security mean to you? What makes you feel the most secure, and what steps do you take to make sure you feel safe?

For me I usually tend to crave emotional security more, and for me emotional security means someone who is non judgemental someone who wont get mad at me when I am vulnerable someone who is not bigoted. Oftentimes in relationships deep down initially i am mentally “testing” people as in what would make them angry and eventually leave me. I get anxious when i dont get replies to text during the initial stage after that i start to become more comfortable after knowing more about the person.