u/Diomil_

I’m 18(F) and I never thought about death this seriously until a few months ago, I simply didn’t care but when the realization of death and absolute uncertainty hit it hit so fucking bad. I’m diagnosed with OCD, I use 100mg Sertraline daily but that shit doesn’t help anymore.

I can’t cope with the fact that one day I will die, it’s scary and I don’t want to stop experiencing, living. I never believed in any religion or afterlife stuff and I started to believe that we just simply cease to exist since it was the simplest answer. I couldn’t sleep countless nights because of this though. But my spiral didn’t end here because then I remembered the fact that this planet will also be destroyed by our sun one day and this universe will be either face a heat death where nothing will happen or disappear in another way, that’s what science says at least and I can’t help but feel that everything is painfully pointless. No one will remember us and there won’t be anything to remember. Nothing matters because when we die we won’t be able to tell how much time has passed and we can just think that the universe died in a blink of an eye from our subjective perspective. Even if I was immortal I don’t think I would want to experience this awful things. Dying and seeing everything die (if we’re really a part of this reality we also disappear with it so there’s no actual immortality yada yada 🧍‍♂️) are equally scary.

I can’t sleep properly, I’m always tired and always in a derealization state, I can’t focus on my life because I always think about the “bigger” stuff, my life doesn’t feel like “my life” anymore, I can’t get myself to care. I don’t know what to do, I hate that everything will end one day and it’s fucking scary.