u/Different-Fish3767

My 30M ex broke up with me 28F. We were together for two years , living together for one. Everything was amazing in the beginning, it felt like we truly found each other and I at least thought we were both happy. I was extremely close to his family, because he came from a big family while I don’t have many family members. They genuinely treated me like a daughter , I was in the family gc, went on family vacations , would speak to his mom on the phone etc…. About 2-3 months ago we hit a rough patch , we were both dealing with some stressful situations and neither of us were the best partner. Things never got too extreme, just a lot of bickering I would say. I still felt extremely in love and loved by him , we were just a little out of sync. About a month ago we had a pretty bad fight that he initiated completely, and by the end we were both crying but he apologized and said he didn’t know what came over him and he never wants fights to get that bad and he was willing to go to therapy/couples therapy ( something I never brought up) but it made me feel like he was in it to put in the work. The week after that felt lighter and optimistic. Then we got into another small argument where he decided to escalate things and pack a bag and leave to his parents. I decided to let him go , assuming he would cool off and come back , but I saw him the next day and he said he was done . He said he couldn’t do it anymore and would be staying at his parents , and that he’s leaving me in the apartment. I was shocked and this turned into an anxiety attack not understanding what’s happening, and me begging him
To stay and keep fighting. I asked him about the therapy he offered last time and he said no point. He said he’d been fighting for a while and was to tired and couldn’t do it. I had no idea things were that bad in his mind. About three days after he called asking how I’ve been , some small talk , I asked if he was coming home , he said no and he needed a few more days. We decided to meet up the next Monday at our place. The conversation started mature and like we both took accountability and did some soul searching but some time in I asked him what the agenda of the conversation was and he said he didn’t know. He just came to talk. I told him after 2 years I deserve some stability and clarity and he said he couldn’t give that to me and that things were done and he had no fight in him left. I’m not proud of myself but I cried and pleaded with him - I was so shocked because prior to this we had discussed wedding plans. Our parents even met a few months ago. We always knew we would end up getting married and kids and had all these shared dreams. Before leaving he talked a bit about the logistics of the apartment and what not , I was too zoned out to listen but he basically said he’ll stay at his parents till he finds a new place and I could have the apartment but I told him I would be staying with my parents as it is too painful to stay there alone. This was almost a week ago, almost two weeks from him initially leaving. I am an absolute complete wreck. I have never felt this discarded in my life. I miss his family and am dying to speak to them. I just want a Time Machine to two weeks ago when things were fine and we were discussing renewing our lease. I could never imagine this scenario in my wildest dreams and I can barely believe I’m living through this type of pain. But now I don’t know how to go along dealing with everything else . The thought of texting him about apt stuff scares me and I don’t want to set back my healing nor meet him there, but he left everything there as is. The house is basically abandoned and we have to do something about it.