Married over 10 year, In our forties. We both work. Two kids nearing teenage age. We barely have sex for what it's worth.
My wife wanted to make a career move 8 years ago. That meant going back to college for 2 years. So, I took on school run, cooking cleaning laundry synths start of the DB thinking she needed less pressure. Got a vasectomy because she said she needed that. Put on muscle when she said that was her thing.
Recently I've started to realise she isn't physically affectionate at all, apart from spooning in bed. I try and show affection wherever I can, but she doesn't. I tried to gently bring this up and honestly, things spiralled. She said some horrific things to me, related to of her hobbies. There are issues there, and I acknowledge that but she really went for the jugular over a misunderstanding on my part. Her face contorted she shouted and screamed.
The argument got worse and worse and I took myself out of it.
As usual, I'm the one who has to approach her, get her to warm up. That's tough enough, but I've been realising, she never approaches me after any argument. She never tries to do the repair work either. I end up doing it because I know if I don't do it, I just get weeks of silence.
I don't think is healthy, but she seems ok with it. She refuses couples therapy.