They weren't me
My husband wasn't watching outrageous acts or weird genres. He liked hot, young women, especially solo women. 20-somethings performing for the camera. Sometimes there were men involved, mostly as POV videos.
He wasn't exploring unattainable fantasies or kinks. He was simply watching other women and fantasizing about having sex with them, as he has admitted. I've seen his OnlyFans account, the girls he subscribed to. They aren't hotter than me, better at sex than me, doing anything I couldn't have been doing for him.
But still he chose them over me.
In bed, I've dressed up for him in styles he likes. Done the things he likes. Overall I've whipped myself into shape. Have tried to remain interesting in his eyes. I've learned about his hobbies and his interests and damn it, I myself am a pretty interesting person. I hear it from other people. But the truth is there's nothing I could have done to make myself more alluring to him than his favorite online girls. I can do a lot, but I can never be a different person than myself.
I'm lacking nothing. The point is they were not me. That's what he liked about them.
It's a hateful morning.