u/Diego_3435

I’ve stopped going to meetings. At first I was really scared of relapsing, but honestly, thanks to this forum and focusing on other things, I haven’t really thought much about drinking or using again. Being sober was the foundation I needed to start working on other areas of my life, and I feel like that program doesn’t really allow me to do that.

Some people have been reaching out, but I don’t feel comfortable. I know they’re going to bring it up, and honestly I’m not in the mood to listen to lectures about the program, sponsors I don’t want and won’t have, and all that stuff.

The thing is, I am actually working and studying now. I am dealing with other parts of my recovery, like not really wanting to socialize, which I’ve realized is also pretty common. I’m still going to therapy, and I’m on medication right now as a baseline. I also started feeling a bit distrustful after hearing some comments about medication, which didn’t sit well with me. The truth is, I need medication at this point, along with other things.

Also, reading this forum, I really related to the “curve” people talk about. It feels like when I started doing better—after being sober for a while—and I shared that I was beginning to trust myself more and feel some self-esteem, some of the veterans seemed to take that in a negative way. Along with other comments I’ve seen, I just don’t feel like putting myself in a position where I end up feeling guilty again.

I mean, I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m sober, I’m studying, I’m working, I have a good relationship with my family… so why should I feel guilty?

And honestly… I just don’t feel like going. I don’t really know how to explain it. Sometimes I feel bad when I think about it, but then I imagine actually going, and I just don’t want to.

think my turning point happened this past November 28th. I just couldn’t take my life anymore and I almost didn’t make it. Luckily I did, and it’s been a turning point for me.

But at my lowest, a lot of people left me.

Now I’m sober, work is going well, things are great with my family, and I’m not lacking anything. But I’m struggling to connect with people. I feel like I need a lot of time alone, and I don’t know if that’s normal.

For some context, I had a partner and a group of friends who were very intense and kind of overwhelming. There was a lot of substance use around me all the time. I tried to set boundaries, but I kept feeling worse and worse. They were very demanding, and the whole situation just kept spiraling downhill.

I’m not saying I was perfect either—I wasn’t in a good place myself and I made a lot of mistakes—but everything just got messier and worse over time.

Now I feel like I’m a bit scared of socializing. I’m also very early in sobriety (about three months), so certain environments make me uneasy. That said, I think I’m actually handling it pretty well overall.

I guess I’m just wondering if this is normal, and what kind of advice people might have. Any advice or shared experiences would really help.

I went back to an NA/AA meeting last week—only on Monday. I’m currently studying for an exam in June that could lead to a promotion at work and give me a lot more financial stability. Being clean for the past three months has made it possible for me to really focus on this, and after the last four years—where I’ve had longer periods clean and learned a lot about myself—I feel more conscious about how I’m living.

I don’t know if the exam will go well or not, but I’m happy that at least I’m giving myself the opportunity.

Between studying, working shifts, and the fact that lately I haven’t been feeling very comfortable in the meetings, I’ve been going a lot less. Yesterday some people asked me directly why I hadn’t been coming, and a few even asked if I had relapsed. I haven’t—I’m just doing more things with my life right now.

At the end of the meeting one of the older members told me, “you can stop suffering.” But honestly, I’m not suffering. I’m just working, studying, and tired.

This Wednesday I’m going to try a SMART Recovery meeting.

Is this kind of reaction normal in NA/AA when you stop attending as often?

I'm coming up on almost 3 months clean. I started going to NA when I was pretty broken and honestly, the first weeks helped me a lot. Having somewhere to go and hearing people who understood what I was going through was really important at that moment.

But as time has passed I've started to notice some things that don't sit right with me.

One thing is the whole higher power topic. When I stopped drinking and using, I actually started feeling better about myself fairly quickly. I also began to trust myself more and feel like I could build my recovery in my own way. But when I shared that in meetings, some veterans reacted negatively, especially because I don't believe in God or a higher power. The vibe I got was basically “you’ll understand eventually.”

What bothered me more is that once I started expressing that I'm figuring things out in my own way, it felt like my sobriety didn't really count to them. Almost like if you're not following the steps exactly the way they say, you're just a “dry drunk.” It felt like it didn't matter that I was actually doing well or starting to trust myself. The only thing that seemed to matter was following the program exactly as they think it should be followed.

Another thing I've noticed is that some of the veteran members don't really share about their own lives anymore. They mostly speak to repeat the literature, talk about the steps, the importance of a sponsor, or give speeches about how you have to keep coming to NA forever. Meanwhile, the meetings I found most helpful were when people were honest about their struggles, their anger, their sadness, and their wins.

Sometimes it even feels like certain interventions are meant to shut down people's emotions. But anger and sadness are legitimate feelings. Recovery doesn't mean those feelings disappear.

What also pushes me away is that for some of these veterans it seems like their entire life revolves around NA. I'm 28, I'm young, and I don't see myself living my whole life like that. I want recovery to be part of my life, not my entire identity.

Lately I've been going less, but I'm still sober and actually feeling pretty good.

Has anyone else experienced something similar with NA or other 12-step programs?