I’ll provide some background so if you feel it’s unneeded, skip the first paragraph as it’s history of our relationship. ( Im now about to be 24F. She is 41F. Daughter is 11months. )
Growing up there we’re certain things that i feel I’d never do. If i didn’t want to eat my dinner anymore she’d shove me infront of a computer and force me to watch starving african children while id scream to just go to bed please. She never cuddled me, i don’t remember getting kisses, or going out together or having nice mum & daughter time. When i was 6 months old she left me at my nanas/dads & flew to England only leaving a letter behind and stayed there for 6 months with a boyfriend but it didn’t work out & she came back. My whole life, she put men before me, man after man after man. I’d be 8 years old doing a 30 min walk in a pretty unsafe neighbourhood because she didn’t to drop me at school. In highschool she wouldn’t give me any food for lunch, money for the bus, or for lunch. She’d call me a sl*t, an attention seeker, shes strangled me before. Used to get mad if i ate food in the cupboards, used her stuff cause i didnt have what she ALWAYS did.. even hid her shampoo & conditioner from me..Throughout my life theres been multiple times shes thrown stuff at me, hit me, called me names. I’d go to primary with shoes that had soles coming off & holes in the toes given to me by someone else while she had purfumes, hair styling stuff, ghd’s, converse.. by the time i was 14 i was depressed from so many things & i ended up od’ing twice, she screamed at me saying im ruining her life & why am i doing this to her what could be so bad i want to do that? & she didn’t want me anymore. I left & came back, then at 15 went on holiday paid for by my half sisters mum, while i was there, she bought a house bus, got a new boyfriend & was moving to keri keri after my 16th birthday. I ended up living in fiji for 3 months. Finally my dad said he could take me in. Little did i know, there was a 56M living in the garage who fed me the pipe at 15 every day, til one day, dad left for a week or two ( i can’t remember ). 56M gave me a powder.. I blacked out for those 1-2weeks. I remember very few snippets of things i wish i could forget that he had done to me.. no one told my mum. It came to me going to see her in keri keri with my bestfriend where i decided to tell her. Thinking, maybe she’ll help, cause im now 16 , r@@ped & addicted to the glass pipe living in a house its sold out of & that has people in 24/7 smoking that shit. She never did anything, just got mad no one told her. I went home a few days later infact. Fast forward, im clean. But i foubd a new addiction. Pills. Any type of opiate or benzo. Hundred at a time sometimes, nearly di3d, in n out of hosp & mental hosp. She never once tried to help me.. even after i had been crashed into a tree from an ex, lost the dog who was the only one by my side trying to protect me from 15 to 21.. was on the shit again, and was a day away from homelessness.
Fast forward to now, im years sober, ive got a management degree in bartending, worked real jobs, have a beautiful house, a beautiful daughter, i look forward to every day and would rather not be here than EVER take a step backwards.
-
-
-
NOW.. our relationship has been patched by pretending this stuff never happened and me falling pregnant.
My mum (41F) wanted to take me n my daughter ( 24f & 11 months ) to fiji cause she said her boyfriend cant come so do we want too? Its for her birthday ( masked as for mine too but we leave ON my birthday which is no big deal at the end of the day ) i said to her ofc we would love too but that will suspend my solo parent benefit & i wont be able to pay rent for 2 weeks get food gas power or help financially at all on the trip. She said thats fine she knows & she’ll help & cover everything. Okay great. Im so grateful, but i just want it to be clear i never asked nor expected, only accepted the generosity & i also explained the situation very well.
While we’ve been here, anything i say or talk about she gets annoyed with or tries to ‘compete’ to be right or so i seem stupid. And if i mention im sorry i didnt mean to annoy you or you get annoyed with me so fast she just tells me im constantly so snappy with her when really i speak as if im walking on eggshells. Ill take a selfie, she’ll look at me with this judgemental face & say ‘what’s even with that duckface? Do people even do that anymore?’ While shes taking bikini pictures all day long…. Or.. she knows im quite insecure because I’ve suffered with anorexia ( recovered now ) and ill say ‘ my shorts fit me the way that they do because my butt is big FOR the size of my waist/hips ( not that i have a huge one, just - exactly what i said. ) and she’ll again look me up and down and say.. you dont have abig one at all haha. And i feel shes just pushing her insecurities out onto me. She feels down so has to put me down. Anything i say she has to have an opinion about or something to contradict what I’ve said or says the exact thing i said but in a different way so she can be ‘right’ or something honestly im not her so how could i really Know why? Now the worst thing happened yesterday. We were having dinner, she went to grab stuff from the store including chips and a cold drink for me and my daughter as there’s none in the room. I accidentally spill my wine on the table which her phone is on. I wipe her phone case on my dress ( bikini cover so it doesn’t 100% do the trick but it was just her phone case wet nothing else about her phone ) & the waitersees so comes to help and I’m apologetic saying no please I’ll do it it’s my mistake but along comes mum & she sees I’ve spilled the wine and immediately grabs her phone which was still abit wet on her phone case and says why the duck would you not dry my phone? Did you seriously start cleaning the table and just not care that my phone is DRENCHED because i can’t just go buy another one ( i promise-she can but besides the point tbh) and Is yelling this infront of the worker who’s standing there cleaning with me and right next to a family we sat next to in the middle of the restaurant then just storms out leaving me there so i follow embarrassed and say sorry and Thankyou to The worker.. she ends up waiting outside just to yell at me saying what’s your problem i just dont understand you how can you not care about my stuff like seriously i just dont get it i dont get it at all my phone was drenched you better hope its okay n im clearly upset&frustrated atp, n i say yes sorry but i did wipe ut on my dress it was just the case not drenched at all n i start to walk fast to get to the room and she speeds up yelling just take accountability no one can get mad at you you didn’t care about my phone im allowed to be pissed off and you can deal with the consequences and ( we’ve just walked into the room now ) i then say yeah you have every right to be mad but im a grown woman and you’re speaking to me like a child while ive got my own now and she must’ve hated that i stuck up for myself this time because she spun around and yelled ‘you are just so self absorbed all you care about is you and all you do is take take take take’ .. n i just left with my daughter whos now crying n go cry outside holding her cause that hurt i never asked for this you knew id rely on you for everything while we are here and i said i dont have to come cause its ALOT .. i come inside, she storms into the bathroom sobbing loud almost as if she wants me to hear.. ( i feel like theres a difference in how i left to cry so she wouldnt know vs how she acted.. ) then comes out to ignore anything i say?!?!?! Then god i accidentally break a glass :’D and i go to clean it she rushes over im like no ive got it dont worry you dont need to just leave it but she didn’t listen didnt let me help. So im starting to put baby down and she yells out ‘yeah thankyou mum’ as if she ONLY cleaned it to gain control & praise & sympathy for her or something.. now today she woke up pretending NOTHING happened singing buying all this stuff complimenting me left right & centre…. I just dont know what to think or do. This is her my whole life so i dont know right from wrong when it comes to her ATP. I also feel shes trying to make up for never being a true good mum by being a good one” now & a good grandmother.
TLDR; feel as though mums passive aggressive anf manipulative and really toxic & has been mentally emotionally and physically abusive in the past but shes helped so much financially and really tried since my pregnancy and has shouted a trip to fiji. I want to distance myself and daughter from her off after shes been all of that while here.