I (38F) dated my next-door neighbor (35M) for about a year. We met, hit it off as friends, and in January it turned into a friends-with-benefits situation for a few months. In March, we decided to try dating seriously.
In June, my grandmother (who raised me) passed away. I also had my niece living with me, and I was overwhelmed and stressed. Around that time, he wanted me to meet his mom, and I’ve been married and divorced before, and I have a child (he was 9 at the time), so I’m cautious about those steps. I was sad and feeling pressure and i broke up with him (lasted 3 days), I realized I overreacted due to stress, apologized, and we got back together.
One thing that stands out looking back: He gave me an expensive Lego set as a gift. Gifts are my love language, so I appreciated the gestur, but I suggested we return it and use the return to have a mall date instead. Then he told me he hadn’t actually bought it, someone at work had an extra one they were giving away for free, and he took it for me. What confused me was that he had originally told me a whole story about going to the mall and picking it out for me. I asked why he made that up, because I would’ve been just as happy knowing the truth. I am a big thrifter and love 2nd hand!
By December, we were spending holidays together, sharing our lives, and talking about a future.
He brought up having a baby of his own. I almost died having my son. So i'm adverse to childbirth again in general, even though I love kids so much. i'm open to adoption. I asked if he meant in general or specifically with me. He said he’d been thinking about having a child of his own, and that having one with me would be a bonus. That confused me, because before that he had said he was indifferent about kids and even considered my son and niece “his kids.”
He talked to his mom about us having a baby, and she encouraged it.
Then, by the next January, I got a promotion at work and ended up going on my first work trip. We texted and talked every night when I got back from the office. When I got back, he said that he had this feeling that I cheated, because his ex cheated on him. I said I understood the feeling because he's been put in a situation that he's been in in the past, so his body is preparing him for that outcome, but I didn't cheat, I have never cheated on anyone, and I have no desire to cheat. Plus we talked on the phone every night before I went to bed, et cetera
At the same time, his mom found out that I had borrowed money from him (which I had partially paid back), and she called that a red flag.
He was clearly stressed about his mom’s opinion. I didn’t understand how borrowing money could be a “red flag” if we were seriously discussing having a child together.
That Sunday (i came back from my work trip friday) He said he needed to take a step back and broke up with me.
It hit me really hard. Now it’s been a year with no contact. Even though he lives next door, we rarely run into each other.
I went on a few dates here and there since and I think he might be seeing someone new.
Why do I still feel this pull toward someone who left so suddenly?