I'm divorcing my husband and he is being so much more difficult than he ever was.
My husband is an alcoholic. He hates when I won't drink with him, and it turns into fights. I quit drinking recently, and things have gotten bad. The worst fights we had were when I'm sober and he isn't. The first time, he was arrested for dv and child abuse.
Every vacation we go on abroad turns into a drinking fest for him, and something always happens. When we went to London, we went to a restaurant close to our hotel for dinner. I left to go change my shoes at our hotel, and in less than 10 minutes, I see a crowd of people on my way back, and they're surrounding him and my kid saying he hit her. I didn't know what to do. He got arrested. I lied to the investigators when they asked if he's ever been arrested for child abuse. I told them he was off his meds, which was true.
When we went on a family group trip 2 months later in Africa, he was yelled at by the group for hitting my kid, but I didn't see it. They were ready to call police on him. I just went along with "oh, the group was crazy" but it sucked having everyone stare daggers at me.
He never paid the bills and we were evicted before. He was late on everything and it made me so stressed and disorganized. I felt like I was constantly on edge trying to figure things out but he just said he forgot and he would get to it.
When we went on vacation, he of course, started drinking again. I found out how much money he spent on room charges for alcohol and I was shocked. Over $1000 in less than a week. Charges like "Breakfast Beer". I confronted him, and he pushed me to the ground in front of my kid. I made him leave.
The next morning, I realized I had enough. I was done. I couldn't live like that. I tried having a normal day and trying to figure it out, but I was stopped by the hotel security and asked about what happened and what happened to my face (it was bruised). They called polizei. I told them what happened, but left out some stuff. They gave me a no contact order. I didn't want there to be charges. I just wanted to go home.
When I got back to the hotel, I called some lawyers. They told me I would be best off staying in my kid's habitatual home (the same city/country). I though about going back to the US, but I have nothing there. I cut ties with everyone I knew since I was with him. He still has his parents. He destroyed my credit by taking out loans on my name and not paying bills, so there were collections. Basically, I had no home there to go back to. But I knew he didn't pay rent in the apartmentwe were living, and I didn't feel safe staying, so I got another place to stay for a bit.
I am in a new apartment that is way too small for me and my kid, but we are making due for a few more months until I can get back up on my feet. He makes a lot of money, but we were living paycheck to paycheck. I know he was hiding money from me. He did my reimbursements and the money went into a different account that I don't recognize. So many discrepancies, so many strange credit card charges that I had to address.
My kid was interviewed by child welfare, and told them that they are scared of him. I documented every time they say things like "I want to visit dad one day, but is it ok if there's someone there to watch us, just in case?" And things like "I miss my old life. It would be perfect if only you guys didn't fight". They gave me a document saying they recommend he get no custody.
Now, he went back to the US to his parents and I'm still here with my kid. I asked him for a notarized letter saying that I have physical custody so I can get my kid a passport since it expires soon. He kept saying he would give it to me. I even wrote him a letter he can get notarized saying it won't affect his custody, etc. but he still won't sign it. He hasn't been communicating with me at all. Occasionally, he would call. He sounds drunk when he does. I know he's drinking more than ever.
In our last call, I told him I had a lawyer, and that there was a way to get custody through the courts here (enforceable in the US), but it would mean that he would not have any custody. I didn't give him any details about why or how, even though he kept asking. He told me that I should get my money back and we should do it together. He promised to give me the letter, and he asked for my new address so he can send mother's day flowers. I didn't give it to him, and told him that he can just order flowers for me to pick up. He told me he reads his emails.
So, the next day I sent him communications to his email, stuff about taxes and insurance, as well as me reiterating our call in writing, asking for confirmation that he would get me the letter. He didn't respond.
I have the lawyer here working on things. It's expensive. He is putting money into my account every paycheck, but I have to depend on his mood. I hate it. I have to wait for him to live in his state for 6 months until he gets residency, then hope he files. I can't file for divorce here for a couple of reasons. I can just do custody through the courts here.
I never in a million years thought that I would end up in some crazy international divorce situation with him being so uncooperative. I'm trying my best to keep cool. I never say or send anything to him that I wouldn't feel comfortable having it read out loud in front of a judge.
I guess I don't even know what the point of this is. I feel like there aren't many people who can relate to my situation. I just don't know what else to do. Everything feels like it's at a stand-still. I'm trying to figure out my life, and it's hard. I'm trying to take some steps, like applying to school and meeting with people but I feel like I have no time to myself. Everything in my life feels disorganized. I wish he would just be normal.