Not sure what to do
I’m a 22F and I’m in a very supportive relationship so there’s no issues in that department.
I’ve had PIV 3 times in 2021 with a not so great ex partner BUT was still able to manage PIV (with some struggle), so I know I’m capable, I will say each time it was uncomfortable and I wanted it over with, it was to tight and burned, it was also always a hassle to get it in, but once it was past the “wall” i couldn’t tell it was there until my ex partner started to move.
Anyway with that said, I’m trying to get to that place again with my current partner (and hopefully have it be enjoyable),
I’m able to insert tampons, my fingers and toys on my own no issue or very little discomfort. But when me and my current partner try it’s so painful and I can’t get past the “wall” feeling and so far I’ve only been able to get about 3 inches in (plus the same pain is back), now this may seem like a huge success to some but i would like to note that it’s not IN enough! it feels like if he were to stop pushing it would be pushed right back out by my tightness lol. I do struggle with anxiety and still need to find time to see a gynecologist.
I also don’t really have a sex drive. I’m not sure why Im definitely not asexual, I have the desire but I’m never horny enough so lube and patience is my virtue. Maybe if I enjoyed sex I would have a little more drive, sex just isn’t something I’ve been centered around and I don’t think that would change even if I had pain free sex.
I get so jealous of people who can have a girl chat and be honest about their sex life, while I either lie or just avoid the topic altogether, when I have been honest my peers and friends are in shock or don’t know what I’m talking about. So I lie half the time.
So to recap:
Tampons 10/10
Fingers 9/10 (my own) partners 7/10
Toys 7/10 some discomfort but very manageable
PIV 2/10 tight, painful, burning, pushing against a wall feeling.
Ps both of my partners current and past are pretty wide and long I just feel bad for my current partner I don’t really have a good explanation as to why I can’t sleep with him but I could with my ex (even tho it sucked), anyway the width definitely has an impact but I was able to be with my ex before idk why I’m unable to bare the pain now!
For now I’m looking for advice and suggestions.
My game plan is to:
Try being a little tipsy
Try smoking a little thc
Try every night to get my anxiety used to it (even if it doesn’t work)
If that doesn’t help I’ll schedule a gynecologist visit and tell them, my worry is my doctor not knowing about this condition and not being able to help. I also don’t really know what pelvic floor therapy is but it sounds like something I don’t have time for,insurance wouldn’t cover or wouldn’t work (could be wrong tho), and after that get more info on Botox as a last resort, I’m honestly at my limit.