u/Desperate_Comment_75

So I will keep it short. We met in college, and we both are good-looking extroverts, but in college he was more extroverted and had more friends, while I was kind of a loner and had only a few friends. Within 1.5 months of talking, he said within 3 weeks that he didn’t want to be “best friends” or “just friends.” I really liked him, so I asked for commitment. After 2 months of dating, one day after a fight he said “I love you” and all. Then the next 2–3 months were good. We used to have fights over small things because I wanted time like other couples in college, while he wanted his own space and fun with friends. Even during college events, he used to spend more time with his friends because he liked doing masti with them. Later, after around 7 months of the relationship, the fights became toxic and he started verbally abusing me a lot. In every fight he would abuse me and later apologize. He also started shouting at me on the college campus. I still adjusted because later he used to apologize nicely. Then again, after around a year, the clashes became very frequent. I used to get upset over things, then he would abuse my parents as well and my upbringing. He also used personal family things that I had shared with him during vulnerable moments against me. The peak was when we were on a trip with 2 of his friends and their girlfriends. For two nights we stayed in a hotel, and we had a huge fight. Again he abused me, called me many names, and after we came back I said breakup. He cried for 1 day, so I forgave him again. Now we have moved out of college and are at our homes. Within one month, again we fought over small things, and now I am tired. I want a breakup. Because honestly, I never felt like his priority, even though he always said I was the only one for him. For both of us, this was our first relationship. Even now after I said breakup and tried to explain things calmly, he is still asking for another chance. I don’t want to give one because I have already given him more than 20 chances and I still haven’t seen much change. In every fight, first he defends himself and then starts abusing me again.

TL;DR: Boyfriend verbally abuses me and my parents, we have frequent toxic fights, and despite giving him more than 20 chances, the same pattern continues. Now he is asking for another chance again.

I am a 26-year-old woman, and the guy is 24. We met in our postgraduate college. Within the first month, we started talking. We were in the same class, and he used to come to my seat to talk. He is good-looking and very extroverted, and he talks to everyone. I am also fairly good-looking and extroverted, but in this college, I felt a bit cornered, so I stayed mostly with 1–2 friends.

About a month after college started, we began chatting. Our initial conversations were normal. One day, he said something that hurt me, but I didn’t say anything at the time. Later that same day, he apologized, and we continued talking. We became close and went on a movie date about two weeks later.

As for my dating history, I had never dated anyone seriously or fallen in love before. He had liked a girl a lot during school, but it was one-sided.

Within 1.5 months, we started dating. I was the one who asked for commitment first because I felt insecure. About 1.5 months into the relationship, he said “I love you,” and everything seemed good. We used to fight sometimes, but he would handle it well. Most of our fights were about me asking for more time or him prioritizing his friends over me.

Around 6 months into the relationship, he started becoming aggressive. He would throw his phone during arguments, and verbal abuse began. This started happening frequently, especially when we were away for 2 months during our internship. He would apologize, and I would forgive him. When we returned to college for the second year, the same pattern continued.

One night, he verbally abused me and even said things about my parents. The next day, he was very sorry and cried a lot.

We started having frequent fights over small things, like him supporting other people (including girls) over me or asking me to behave in a certain way.

In these 20 months of the relationship, there has been at least one major fight every week, with a lot of verbal abuse. We even went on a trip, and there too, for two nights in a row, he shouted at me, called me names, and behaved badly. After coming back, he cried for two days.

I asked for a breakup multiple times, but each time he convinced me to stay. I truly love him, and he says he loves me too, but he has a habit of trying to “correct” people. I gave my entire college life to this relationship, while he still maintained his social life and had fun with friends.

Now we are in a long-distance relationship. There have been a few arguments recently, but not as much abuse. Still, I feel distant and unloved.

I asked for a breakup because I believe he will never change.

TL;DR:

Started strong, but the relationship became toxic with frequent fights, aggression, and verbal abuse. Despite apologies and love, the pattern never changed. Now in long distance, I feel emotionally disconnected and believe ending it is the right choice.