How does reality sensing and discovering the real self really work in ICBT?
I'm currently doing ICBT module 11 with a certified therapist, but I feel I kinda stuck on this sensing work.
Primary reason is I have been doing compulsions for too long, and they merged with my interests, academic pursuit, relationships and literally my lifestyle? Also I feel since the pandemic my time spent online has exponentially increased. So I don't know what outer/inner reality without OCD actually is? There were some places I wouldn't go to, or people I wouldn't associate with, if I didn't have OCD. It's impossible to cut these memories/formed beliefs out of my inner sense right here, right now.
Also I didn't feel the things I did in a compulsive state were completely meaningless and joyless. Some feel like personal achievements. Some feel like important experiences shaping my worldview. I cannot easily separate the ones I want to recognize as non-OCD healthy acts and the ones that are highly ego-dystonic because the self behind these choices has been changed throughout OCD experience.
Looking forward to advice and theoretical explanations.
My current fear also includes fear of not actually having OCD now but GAD and depression, which means I might actually have ruined my life by turning an obsession problem into real life crisis. This feeling is so terrifying.