I don't know why this happened, it's disgusting and inhumane, especially when I'm just chilling and my mind immediately accuses me of being a pedophile, and I clearly deny it because I know I'm not actually attracted to any children, and if I were attracted to a character because of their appearance, I would feel disgusted because I know or find out that they are underage.
The only time I felt attracted to children or teenagers, let's say, was when I was the age of those characters, and I am an adult who is attracted to other adults.
I only found out what POCD was when I vented to Google's Gemini.
I would never hurt a child, never ever, and yesterday, the day before, I felt not only disgusted, I cried and thought about how I was a monster who would never commit a terrible crime, and if I don't feel immediate guilt or disgust, I'm afraid of being a criminal because I actually suspect I'm not a very empathetic person, but yes, then I cry, I feel like vomiting, and I wonder what happened to the innocent child I once was, and I feel like a monster...
But i wouldn't hurt people, never would hurt a child and somehow, i'm sure about it even if these thoughts suddenly appear but dissapear when someone hear my vent or i fight myself about it.
Is a harsh topic...