We’ve been together for 3yrs and he has traveled for work during this time. For a long time he was gone for about a month, then back for just under 2 weeks, then gone again and so on. Then recently we got to where he’d be away for the week and home on the weekends which has been great. Much better than the old schedule. Now, coming up soon he will be home everyday but will work 6 days a week on 12hr shifts. So yes home, but long hours. He also won’t have holidays off during this time. Yes he can use PTO that he accumulates for something I was concerned about like vacations together.
We’ve had disagreements in the past with his job and the schedules that go with it. Typically it’s me being tired of waiting for him to be home as well as being exhausted being stuck at home dealing with all that’s involved on my own. I want us to be home together and spend time together like a typical couple does. Yes I have told him this and he also wants to be home.
We recently had another disagreement about this new schedule plus some other things not related to work specifically. I think it all boils down to not feeling the connection and not having much time together which is something lacking (obviously when a job keeps him away). Which I will acknowledge could very well lessen as a feeling with him being home every night in the near future.
Truthfully, all throughout our relationship I’ve been holding onto the day he’s home. We can be together everyday, have weekends together, and do more of the simple things that we don’t get to bc he’s been traveling. I’m talking even the “boring stuff” like going to the grocery store together. Simple and overlooked by those with the daily connection, but treasured by us as we don’t get much of it. We even agreed to put the next step of being engaged in our relationship off until he was home as he’d have more time and it would be more enjoyable. So I’ve been waiting for this day as well. But now I have doubts he will be able to plan a proposal with such little time off. Which sucks bc I really am looking forward to that but keep getting sad when I have to wait.
So I think when the details of this new schedule came out, it hit me harder. I was expecting full weekends and honestly not as late nights.
I’ve managed this entire timeline (with some episodes here and there as mentioned) but this time is hitting harder. And like I said there’s other things going on, so maybe it’s due to that too. Maybe I’m losing myself too much and too focused on making my self available and adjusting myself when he is so that we can connect and be together since our time is so limited already. I wouldn’t disagree with you is you say that I should spend more time with hobbies etc. but bc it’s been such a pattern, it’s hard to get back to it so I am trying. It’s also hard to want to do something fun when you’re going through it missing your person.
Does anyone out there have any advice, or even “me too and here’s my experience” so that I can at the very least know I’m not alone and work on it so that I can support my partner better and appreciate what we have now? Have you done worksheets to help you process something like this and appreciate what you have? I’m considering this. Even a pros and cons list will help I think. Maybe a “how can we make the most of this” list too. I’ve considered therapy and have tried it in the past, but honestly, I get more help from friends and ChatGPT (lol!) so I’m going to pass for now on that.
I appreciate your input in advance but would like to make it very clear that not being together is not an option whatsoever so please refrain from comments that suggest or would lead to that. Thank you!