Wrote this in between a panic attack
So here I am, sitting alone, struggling to breathe
Trying to understand how to figure everything out
What exactly will make me feel at ease?
Hao do I get out of this?
How much longer?
It hurts. It hurts so so bad I feel dead, so dead inside
I'm not sane, am I?
How many times does it keep getting only worse?
Better → worse-worst-better-worse-worst
And the cycle repeats
Does it ever feel best?
I am so scared, scared that I can't be strong anymore
Scared of failure, scared of my stupid depressed self
Why did it have to be like this? Why?
I wanna scream out so fucking loud
Got the urge to cry out loudly
I feel empty. Can't let my continuous crying self be seen by my fam
I am so broken, so done surviving for years and years it just does not go away
I really need a vacation. But will me anxiety It me even have that?
I feel like an alien among people, because I seem to be the only one feeling like this 24/7
Am I on the only one who got affected by trauma or people really are better in terms of coping with trauma? I'm the only one who can't seem to heal. Is it even ever possible?