This is not what I want
Just past 12 weeks and over the last week my blood pressure has tanked to the point that my OB has ordered me to stay home and rest for the week. My partner is helping with our eldest considering lifting her up makes me so dizzy I might faint. He seems angry abt everything. Our second child is unplanned, which he is already unhappy about. I had hoped this pregnancy would be like the last one, which was significantly easier during the first trimester. Its the opposite. Very view foods I can or want to eat, constant intense nausea and a rather dismissive environment because “you’ve already been through it once, you can do it again”. My partner, though a wonderful and involved father, is obviously resentful of the entire situation. This makes me even more apprehensive when it comes to asking his help. When I do , it comes with underhanded comments or unkind remarks. He has voiced both jokingly and in seriousness that he feels like this pregnancy is my fault because of our method of prevention. I feel like this is very hypocritical, considering he is the one that complained about condoms within 1 year after I had consistently been taking hormonal birth control for 5 years and needed a break.
I’m tired of this. I’m angry with him, while feeling that that anger is misplaced because so many women have it worse or have to do it by themselves. I understand he is stressed, but so am I. I feel like I’m actively looking for solutions and attempting to keep our relationship and family together, while he’s content with being resentful and blaming me for a situation he has just as much responsibility in. It’s like our relationship is disintegrating before our eyes, and he’s made peace with that while I am still hopelessly trying.