u/Depressed_soul96

She thinks me puking the past couple of nights is due to my diet. I lied and told her I wasn't sick or anything, that it was just due to over exertion from exercise. I don't have the heart to tell her. She won't understand anyways. Tried puking while putting music on, seems to do the trick for now.

I check the scale every morning. I usually eat one meal a day, which I end up puking half the time. I'm making a bit of progress but it still doesn't feel enough. Is there gonna be someday when I don't feel disgusted looking at myself? Will I ever feel comfortable taking pictures of my own? Or feel happy in my own skin? Feel wanted or desired by someone? Maybe even just experience someone calling me handsome or cute or literally any compliment? I can't even remember the last compliment I ever got.

I've never felt so ugly and alone in my life.

Sometimes I imagine a distant life with you. Far away from all the noise. I think about spending hours lazily on the bed everyday, kissing and caressing your beautiful body. Every curve, every inch, all of it mine, only I have been blessed with permission to hold you.

I wish to make slow, sweet and sensual love with you that makes you forget about everything in the world, coz in those moments, you are mine and mine alone and I don't want to share you with the rest of the world. I want to experience that moment with you alone.

I want to devote myself to making you feel the most pleasure your body can conjure, to learn your every weak spot so I can love you passionately when you feel most vulnerable. I want to feel you with all my senses, to touch your soft body, to hear your pleasurable moans, to admire your beauty through my eyes, to smell your sweaty skin, and to taste your sweet nectar as if it were the source of my nourishment. I want to know your body better than you.

I want all my pleasure to be known through you. I want to give up all the measly desires coz the sin of you is more sweet and fulfilling than anything else in this world and I wanna savour you with all my intensity.

I don't know who she is, or where she is, or what she might be doing right now. All I know is that I feel her. I feel her in my every living moment. I feel her absence so much. I miss her in my bones. I feel incomplete without her. I long for her touch, to hold her hand softly, to graze my fingers through her soft face, to hold her and hug as if it's the last day on Earth, to share a beautiful passionate kiss with her that makes the world pause long enough for the two of us to bask in the warmth of our undying love. I long to hear her effervescent laughter. I have not heard it yet but I already know it is my most favourite sound in the whole world. I want to look into her eyes and see all the mysteries of the universe unfold before me and everything makes sense, beneath her eyes lay all the secrets of the universe, her eyes more captivating than anything in this vast cosmos.

I feel the thought of death vanish from my mind, because when I feel her, I am not scared anymore. I am greedy. I do want to spend an eternity with her. But this single mortal life, I have been given, I want to spend it all with her. She is the reason I get out of bed everyday. The thought of each day passing by, bringing us closer to meeting warms my heart but I also feel pain that it's one less day I get to spend with her. I hope you looking for me as much as I long for you.

I don't know who she is, or where she is, or what she might be doing right now. All I know is that I feel her. I feel her in my every living moment. I feel her absence so much. I miss her in my bones. I feel incomplete without her. I long for her touch, to hold her hand softly, to graze my fingers through her soft face, to hold her and hug as if it's the last day on Earth, to share a beautiful passionate kiss with her that makes the world pause long enough for the two of us to bask in the warmth of our undying love. I long to hear her effervescent laughter. I have not heard it yet but I already know it is my most favourite sound in the whole world. I want to look into her eyes and see all the mysteries of the universe unfold before me and everything makes sense, beneath her eyes lay all the secrets of the universe, her eyes more captivating than anything in this vast cosmos.

I feel the thought of death vanish from my mind, because when I feel her, I am not scared anymore. I am greedy. I do want to spend an eternity with her. But this single mortal life I have been given, I want to spend it all with her. She is the reason I get out of bed everyday. The thought of each day passing by, bringing us closer to meeting warms my heart but I also feel pain that it's one less day I get to spend with her. I hope you are longing for me as much as I long for you.

I want to kiss you so passionately with the intent of sucking all the words out of your lips. I want our heartbeats to match and sync up. Our brains filled with the same thoughts: undying love and desire for each other. I want my arms to be the safe space you fun to when the world feels loud and scary.

To hold you is what my arms were made for, to kiss your soft body and lips is what my lips were made for, to smell and be lost in your radiant fragrance is what my nose was made for, to see and admire your sublime beauty is what my eyes were made for, to listen to your beautiful laughter is what my ears were made for, and to love you deeply and forever is what my soul was made for.

I WAS MADE FOR LOVING YOU BABY AND YOU WERE MADE FOR LOVING ME! 🎶