I (32M) have been dating a woman (32F) for a few months, and we became exclusive at the end of February.
For context, she is quite an anxious person and has some insecurities, which she’s been open about. We’ve been in daily contact recently as she’s been away for about a month.
Earlier this week, one of her friends went through a breakup, and she told me it made her feel a bit insecure. I tried to reassure her and we moved on from it.
Yesterday, out of the blue, she asked me if she could get my “male perspective” on something. She sent me a screenshot of a message from a guy she used to date.
In the message, he basically says:
- he randomly thought of her
- apologises for not being ready for something serious before
- says he is now ready
- asks if she is seeing anyone and if she’d be open to catching up
The screenshot also included an older message from December where he had tried to “booty call” her, which she did not respond to.
She explained that he was someone she used to see, that he was generally nice (she specified except for the 5 attempted booty calls), and that she ended things because he didn’t want anything serious at the time . She then asked me what would be a “nice” response to send him.
I found the situation a bit odd and told her it felt unusual for her to ask me, and that she’s probably best placed to decide how to respond. I kept it light, using emojis, and wasn’t confrontational.
After that, she started saying she was getting “weird vibes” from me and repeatedly asked if everything was okay. She even called me later in the evening to check in again.
What’s confusing to me is that:
- I found the initial request a bit unnecessary and tacky, like she could have just decided herself. Also felt like a teenager trying to brag
- but what stood out more was how quickly she seemed concerned about my reaction and kept pushing to check if I was upset
To me, it felt like a validaiton and attention seeking game, trying to get a reaciton out of me.
When I brought it up today, she said she has always been able to speak to exes like that and didn’t mean anything by it.
I’m just left feeling a bit confused about the dynamic and whether I’m overthinking this or if it’s actually a bit of a boundary/communication issue. I am not a jealous person and could not care less who she dated before. The initial message was weird but what really bothers me is the idea that it was intentional or subconsciously so to trigger a response from me.