I just don't see the point in even trying. Life just keeps throwing shit at me and I don't have the ability to deal with it. The latest catastrophe is a mouse got into my small, rented flat. It's been caught dead now and removed but I'm so scared there are more and knowing my luck there probably are.
A normal person could handle this. I'm not saying they'd be happy about it but they'd handle it. But I just can't. I'm like a helpless child not a man in his thirties. My reactions are all so disproportionate to the reality of the situation. Everything is life or death. I got so panicked I blew loads of money I don't even really have online on traps and all sorts because this one, tiny thing completely got to me in an instant.
I know other people have shit like this to deal with, I know I'm not special or unique, I know objectively speaking there isn't someone out to get me - but I can barely function when it's just holding down a job and looking after myself. Getting through each day is enough of a challenge. So anything that throws the balance off just destroys me emotionally for days and weeks on end. Life hasn't got better for me in fact the older I get it just gets harder. I so wish to be a normal, functional, capable person but I'm so useless and filled with shame.