AITAH for hiding in my room when my husband’s family was here?
A little back story my 26f husbands 26m siblings who we will call Mel 33f and Tye 30m volunteered our house to host Mother’s Day lunch for their mom this Sunday. We agreed and started changing plans we already had to accommodate this.
Well today I had to drive 4 hours to meet my mom to drop a car off so it was an 8 hour round trip. I should also mention I’m 18 weeks pregnant with a bad pregnancy that I’m constantly sick and it’s caused me to get car sick unless I’m driving. Mel came with me to drive the other car there. We left at 7 am and got back at 4:30 pm.
As I pull onto our street I ask her if she wants to be dropped off at her home. This is when she informed me that everyone was at my house because they are cooking tonight for Mother’s Day instead of tomorrow. No one had said anything to me even though I’ve been saying all day I can’t wait to go home to sleep because I’m tired, nauseous, and my body hurts. I got bitchy about just finding this out because I wasn’t up for guest.
I walked in the house and immediately started cleaning up the kitchen where they already had dishes from grill prep, telling my husband to feed the dogs since I picked up dog food on the way home. I ended up getting so upset about not being able to come home and relax with no guest that I started crying and went into our bedroom. My husband followed me and told me they decided they were doing it today and he thought they already asked me. He did apologize when I told him he should have told me so I knew what to expect when I came home. I was still crying and decided I was going to stay in the room and lay in bed.
His mom started being passive aggressive telling everyone they need to stay outside because I don’t want people here and I’m upset, asking if she is allowed to use the bathroom in a condescending tone, and other comments. ( she was already upset with me because I told her when the baby is born she isn’t allowed to kiss her anywhere especially the face and it’s creepy she keeps insisting) Meg told everyone I was in a bad mood because I wasn’t talking the entire time in the car so that’s why she didn’t say anything about everyone coming over. (I was listening to my audiobook and she kept getting phone calls). Our niece mentioned something about bringing their dog over and his mom started pointing to the bedroom saying “you know we cant bring the dogs over here anymore” still in a condescending tone because I told them to always ask due to my dog not being other dog friendly. And the last time they just showed up with a dog I snapped at them and I was really rude about it.
I didn’t come out the room even when my husband came to tell me the food as done. I ended up snapping at him to please stop opening the door because I didn’t have pants on. That made his family mad as well because I was being a bit of a bitch. So am I the asshole for hiding in my room and being bitchy the whole time they were here even though it was a Mother’s Day dinner for his mom?
Edit/update: (I got to fix the paragraph problem doing this as well!)
I’ve been trying to reply to everyone, but may have missed some. Thank you everyone who commented honestly every single comment has helped me. I can understand and see where on some things I can handle it better while also maintaining boundaries.
Me and my husband had a talk about how it’s his responsibility to make sure things are communicated with me not anyone else’s. We also talked about addressing comments as they happen vs. at a later date to avoid adult conflict in front of the kids. Hopefully this new plan of action will improve things!
Reading y’all’s comments helped him actually understand my feelings about it a little more because they were able to explain why I would be so upset without getting worked up and crying again. (If anyone has any advice on the crying while pregnant please help 😅😭) unfortunately when I cry he panics a little bit and will try to do everything he can to make it stop.