Throwaway account for obvious reasons:
I (28F) am looking for some outside perspective because I'm struggling to sort through my feelings about this.
Back in 2018, I was raped by someone I knew. The person I dated after this was aware of this situation because he was in my life when it happened, so I never needed to considering disclosing it.
During the 6 years with my last boyfriend, I was triggered and had flashbacks only twice, but it was during sex, which triggered a small panic attack. Again, that only happened twice and early on in the relationship. Because he knew the situation, he knew exactly what was happening and reacted accordingly.
We dated for years, but I'm single now, and I'm just now starting to date again post-breakup. I'm seeing a guy right now who is great. We have had sex once and if things go the way I hope, this will become a relationship.
The questions I have:
--> Should I disclose this past with new partners?
--> If so, when and how?
My initial thoughts if it is helpful:
If I tell him:
Pros:
- IF I were to have a flashback in the future, it would be beneficial for him to have this understanding, however, that hasn't happened in FOREVER, so it may not be relevant.
- Not telling him feels disingenuous for some reason but I'm unsure why.
Cons:
- I do like to be submissive in the bedroom and don't want him to feel like he needs to hold back from that to care for me.
- I don't want to put a burden on him or make him feel uncomfortable (that is a me issue that I don't like to inconvenience people but it is still a relevant feeling for me)