Been drinking every other day for months now - 26M
It just feels way too good. Every time I go out or start binging, it always feels worth it. That’s what messes me up. I usually buy a couple wine bottles in the store, Crack em open and just enjoy once that feeling kicks in. Finally i feel that motivation, Social feeling. I start writing to people, Answering people that i usually just ignore since i have no interest speaking with people, Its just that im not to social. It always ends with me grabing a buss or the train and head to an bar. And i know every one of them here in my city, So depending on mood ill go somewhere. It doesnt matter if i have 20$ in my account or 200$. I make it worth wile.
And the night always ends with a bunch of people, After party somewhere. Talking with interesting individuals. Kissing, Fun, Just an super enjoyable time.
I always come home with 1-2 more people in my contacts list. Altough it usually dont lead to something. Sometimes we hit eachother up and hang out.
I just feel like there is no point at all being home and stagnant. And no, Shit is not that enjoyable sober. Stop lying. Ive tried a bunch of times its not fun at all. thats just the cold truth.
I’ve had fun, met a lot of new people, had sex, ran into old friends, and actually felt motivated to talk to women and socialize. For some reason, my whole life I’ve had very little interest in people or talking to anyone. But when I drink, everything becomes enjoyable.
It makes sober days feel like a complete waste of time. The only good thing I can think of about being sober is working and making money. Other than that, I don’t do anything productive. And honestly, I don’t see sitting at home relaxing as productive.
Real life feels like it’s out in the bars, in nightlife, meeting people, talking, being around others who drink. I don’t know, the whole lifestyle around it is intoxicating.
I’m 26 and I’ve never worked a normal 9 to 5 job. My life has basically been like this since I was 18. So I guess I’ve been going out around three times a week for eight years now. I’ve got a lot of experience with it.
I’ve stopped plenty of times for weeks or months. The problem is that sobriety feels boring. Honestly. Last time I quit for three months, I was mostly just at home and rarely went out the entire time. That’s just my personality. I’m not very social naturally. I don’t really have hobbies because nothing interests me. I don’t have passions because I don’t care about much. I guess I like money and traveling when I have it. That’s about it.
So after three months sober, I kept thinking what’s the point. Sure, it was probably better for my health. I lost some weight, which was nice. But then what? It felt like I lost more than I gained.
At the same time, I’ve lost a lot because of drinking too. Especially a beautiful relationship with an amazing woman. But if I’m being honest, if I was still in that relationship, where would I be now? It felt stagnant, and I really let myself go while I was with her. Even though it was comfortable and we loved each other, maybe ending it was for the best.
Other relationships never really meant much to me in the beginning either, or felt like people I truly needed beside me.
And the truth is, I’ve gained a lot from drinking too. If I never discovered it and went down this path, I probably would have stayed an antisocial recluse with no social life at all. So alcohol has given me a lot too.
Those of you with more experience than me, where am I heading?
And the only reasons I don’t drink every day are:
- My hangovers are brutal. I can’t drink two days in a row.
- I’m way too hypervigilant and paranoid about becoming an alcoholic. My father is one, and everyone knows it. I cannot be put in the same category as him.