I need honest outside perspective on my marriage and finances because I feel like something has changed and I don’t know if this is normal.
When my husband and I first got together, I was working and we were both transparent about our finances. We could talk openly about what we each had, and there were no issues around access or honesty.
Since becoming a stay-at-home mom, things have changed. My husband now controls the main bank account and says I don’t need access because “it’s his account.” We do have a joint account, but he only transfers money into it when he feels like it.
If I ask how much money we have, he questions why I’m asking or refuses to show me. He says I don’t need to know what’s in his account.
There have also been specific situations that concern me:
- He transferred money for an oil change, then took it back when it was time for me to pay and told me to “figure it out.”
- My car (in my name) is now at risk of repossession because he decided he didn’t want to help with the payments anymore and told me to handle it.
- Our newer car is in his name, and he controls access to it. I have to ask for the keys, even though I’m the one with the kids most of the time.
- When he was overseas, I had power of attorney and used $300 for groceries and gas. After that, he removed my access.
We now have a newborn and shared responsibilities. I’m not trying to control money—I just want transparency and stability so I can take care of our household.
I’ve mentioned getting a job again, but he isn’t supportive and responds with “what about the kids?”
I’m trying to understand—Is this normal? How do couples usually handle finances in situations where one person stays home with the kids?