u/Dense_Ratio8017

I left for maybe the fourth time on Wednesday April 29th. He pulled my hair..again. However, this time the cops were called and he was taken into custody. I was granted an emergency protective order that ends on Wednesday the 6th. I am planning on requesting the court extend it.

I have to note that we also have an 18 month old daughter. We are now with my parents.

I haven’t been able to sleep or eat. I know in red to eat because I feel so weak but the moment I food in my mouth, I feel like throwing up. I’m so sad. I’m so heartbroken. It hurts physically. I miss my house. I miss my bedroom. My routine. And unfortunately I do miss him.

I need to know that this will get better. I need to know that I will feel better and there will be a day where I will look at him and feel nothing.

When I finally manage to sleep, I dream of him and they are nice dreams. I dream that him and I are happy together as a family. When I wake up to the reality, I instantly feel like I can’t breathe and panic starts to set it.

I’m just here because I need support and I need to vent and talk. And idk, this is consuming me and I feel like I’m drowning.

I 32F have been in this relationship with 39M. We share an 18 month old daughter. The relationship has been abusive since I was 6 months pregnant. It started off “small” and escalated to him throwing me to the ground, pulling my hair, breaking my phone and head butting me. I have left and came back 3 different times.

Today started off like a normal day. He came home for lunch everything was great. When he went back to work I noticed he had left his cellphone on the coffee table. As soon as I saw it, I had the urge to go through it. I found a picture of a screenshot he took of a FaceTime call with another woman. In this screenshot you can see him in the little square at the bottom and you can see a woman lifting up her shirt and exposing her breasts. You can’t see a face but you can see a few tattoos on her arms and hands. I noticed that it looked like she was wearing a black shirt that looked very similar to the work polo he has. He works very close to where we live so I didn’t have time to see what number it came from. I only had time to recover the photo and send it to myself with his phone. My first instinct was that it might be someone who he works with so I sent screenshots of the tattoos to his coworker who is also a friend of mine and asked her if she recognized the tattoos. She did not.

As soon as he realized that I found the picture and texted it to myself, he came home. At this moment, I was in our bedroom and our baby was napping in my arms. He picked up my phone and went through it and he saw that I sent the pictures to his coworker and told her what I had discovered. He automatically got enraged and started kicking the door and everything around the room. He said I was going to get him fired for sending it to his coworker. He started calling me every name in the book, telling me he hates me blah blah blah. Then I noticed the baby had a pooped diaper and as I was wiping her butt, he came from behind me and grabbed me by the back of my hair and yanked my hair. He then took my phone and my keys and drove back to work. During this time I grabbed my laptop and messaged a old friend who happens to be a sheriff and I asked him for advice on whether I call 911 or if I should drive to a police station and file a report. He tried to get a hold of me but when he couldn’t, he called the police. When the arrived, I told them everything. Everything that has happened since the beginning.

He was arrested.

I am sitting in my living room staring at the wall feeling numb. My baby is sleeping and I just wasn’t to cry and throw up. WHY DO I FEEL GUILTY. Why do I feel bad?!?! Why do I feel like going to miss him???? I’m going to miss this house. I’m going to miss this routine. Why???? Why can’t I just be mad and hate him? Why do I feel sad????? I don’t want to feel sad.

I am leaving out so much because there’s only so much I can write in a Reddit post. But like I said, this isn’t the first time he’s pulled my hair in front of our daughter. I feel so fucked in the head right now.