u/Dense-Ad-3598

While I asked him if he was fine, seeing he didn't reply to old texts, and asking him if something happened to his family (some of them are not in good shape), he has said again that my words about his family were violent.

Of course my old texts were inquiries about him and our relationship so I can see if he feels under pressure - he doesn't take responsibility for many issues but mostly I expressed how I feel.

I replied coldly "You are the violent one", and that I googled "Psychologically violent" (the previous comment about me) and it was abhorrent: he used these terms to speak about a woman of his past, which I know is unstable, but he insisted she was a stalker.

He also tried to throw other mud at me, telling that I used his confessions against him. I have tried to gather which ones (since he didn't share much) but it looks like he was speaking about the woman in question.

I just tried to stick to the facts...

Shouldn't I be appalled? He also says he wants to speak in person "if the violence lessens"

He has tried to make me feel bad saying he was Not OK with his health and that he has started his therapy journey why I am still accusing him.

I told him I was sorry for his health asking if he was not OK the whole weekend. No reply

I know almost for sure that it is better for me to leave it at that. I feel like an insensitive person.

But I know it's not like that: yesterday I met an old friend and he was really kind, and I was worried for him because he is in a bad spot lately.

Why he compares me to a woman who is out of control, knowing I would get hurt?

I am thinking to accept a talk with him only in front of his therapist, or a third party.

I asked him a few questions about our last conversation, about the need for him to be clear with me. And about the fact that he apologized for the threat about a car accident (he was alone in the car, in case you’ve read my other posts), but he didn’t seem very sorry — more embarrassed — and he didn’t acknowledge my feelings at all.

I also asked him about his ex. And about the fact that I was too stressed to talk about my own mistakes in the relationship. To be fair, I can admit that I was a bit defensive and aggressive. And lately I feel obsessive due to my anger about his behaviour.

He replied that we could talk when I was calmer and more at peace (but honestly, how the hell am I supposed to feel calm right now?), and then came the cherry on top:

“Despite your psychological violence, I’m thinking about how I can help you with money and projects.” (We work together in different offices, and he has always told me he would support me with other projects. We talked about it and I shared my ideas with him. I also need money because my mother is unwell.)

I got angry and told him to stop using those words. He says he’s in psychiatric therapy (for more than a month now), but to me he seems so fake with other people. He pretends to appreciate colleagues, acts like a great man by attending special work events with celebrities, talks to and seems to appreciate people who spoke badly about him behind his back. Honestly, the mask he’s wearing scares me.

Sorry for the rant… But it was another blow to my self-esteem (partly because the trauma from what he did is what still keeps me emotionally attached).

I have noticed that my ex didn’t talk much about his past: he had a big divorce and some years ago he stopped talking with his parents for a long time (10 years).
He also has lost some very close friends due to illnesses.
He never talked about these things deeply with me. Like he didn’t trust me that much.
What do you think?
He has some bpd traits and he is in therapy (psychiatric) after a big fight with me about him car crashing (he was alone in his car)
I told him bout the fact he never talks about these things. He was leaving for work so he didn’t reply.