Distressed about Size and Body Image
This is about height and Genital size as I’m very confused atm, I understand that a lot of people have it worse than me and have the opposite problem to what I’m having and may see me as stupid or ungrateful but that’s not my intention, I genuinely don’t know how to deal with my thoughts and what I’m seeing and need advice.
I am the shortest in my family, I am a M25 and I’m barely 5”8’ and my brother 5 years younger than me is 6”2’ my father is 6”2’ as well, and while I do hate my height and it is something I loathe about myself it’s something I’ve come to pretty much accept as it’s impossible to change, so for my entire adult life I’ve seen myself as small, I have wide shoulders and am built big but my height made me feel small and makes it impossible to see anything else in the mirror, and when I was 17 I got into my first and only relationship I’ve been in, it lasted for 4 years, she told me that I was a small guy and that my genital size was below average and would often tell me these things which looking back was kinda messed up and probably plays into my issues now
So I viewed my own body and genitalia as small my whole adult life and it made me feel inadequate and like less of a man, always desperately wishing I was taller and had a larger penis, but recently on a whim I decided to measure myself and it’s turns out that Im just above 18cm erect and I am genuinely confused and distressed because no matter how many times I measure and prove it to myself objectively, my brain sees different and tells me I’m wrong, I can’t get this image of me being a lesser man out of my head, not that I think having larger genitals would make me more of a man it’s just what I’m seeing with my eyes and brain isn’t matching up with measured reality and it’s distressing, and then the objective side comes in and makes me feel shame because I should be happy and grateful but I’m not, I’m distressed, confused, sad and ashamed and I don’t understand why, I keep thinking that I have to be wrong and mistaken and that I’m stupid for ever believing I could be above average and proving myself wrong isn’t helping or changing anything.