How do you "stop" a secondary situationship?
Hey there!
Long story short, I'm ENM with a primary and a few secondaries.
I've been seeing on and off a girl named Jess: we had a crush on each other, went on cute dates together, but never defined "us". We both have primaries and busy lives so we didn't meet much, but texted a lot. It also took months until we slept together, and... it was terrible. We are clearly not sexually compatible and every time I hoped it would improve, but it never did and she never cared.
Since I'm not poly and I'm mainly looking for FWBs, and at the moment I have a few already, I want to stop being friend with benefits with her. Although I'm not sure how to do that: we are not together, so we won't break up. At the same time, we clearly liked each other as friends, and had benefits, so maybe I should tell her "Hey, I don't want to have benefits anymore". But at the same time, it's weird because maybe it's not that big of a deal that needs talking? (she's also seeing multiple people, I'm one of many)
I tried the least mature way: simply not inviting her out anymore, as it's what usually happened, on one side or the other, for all my other ex-FWBs.
But she keeps texting me, talking about her day, and hinting at the next dates... So I think I should gently let her down instead of just ghosting.
What would you do?