u/DemandLongjumping526

Sorry for the dumb post but I would really like advice from you all. I've dated women before, but they've only ever been friends first. I think that really works for me. If they're a friend first, I really care about them, and the anticipation of maybe becoming a couple is like addicting I think.

Now that I'm older (25) it's harder to meet friends first who are also gay women, so I'm trying dating apps and reddit and stuff... I ended up meeting a girl off Reddit. I had a great time, she is beautiful and stunning and super kind. She was also my first time getting intimate which is super meaningful to me. She's great.

She wants to keep dating and I want to too but I guess I don't feel a "spark" yet? Like, she arouses great feelings from me, but not great emotional feelings yet just because I still don't know her. I'd rather hang out with my best friend than her, and that feels really shitty to say. Is that normal or is all dating app stuff like that?? Are 'sparks' instant or do they take time to develop? There are some things we disagree on, like, politically, and her exes are all men which intimidates me a little, and she isn't my typical type (she's shorter than me, I strongly prefer taller) so I wonder if it would be different if those things changed?

TLDR Basically I'm wondering, in dating off apps and stuff, how do you know whether you're compatible for something long term? Does it build up over time through chatting and such, or is a lack of a 'spark' at first totally normal?

Does anyone else struggle to relate to poetry/art/posts like this? This one's viral on X rn and a lot of sapphics are resonating with it. And claiming Taylor Swift wrote it for some reason.

It honestly makes me a little insecure and worried that a lot of people who claim to be lesbians might not actually be gay. Like, maybe they just want friends and are confused, or are political lesbians. I guess they might instead be asexual lesbians?

Or like... Am I the weird one? Am I one of the only lesbians who actually sexually desires women? Has our community been co-opted by confused straight people???

I love cuddling and stuff, sure, and I value mind and personality over body, I want to be close to women, etc etc whatever. But I want to do much more than "be close to them." I desire women in the same way a straight man does. I have a sex drive, women arouse me. I want to be owned, I want to be fucked, I want to fuck, I want to be treated roughly and 'tamed,' I want to be smothered under my girlfriend's tits or pussy until I can't breathe lol. I wish it didn't feel anti-lesbian or anti-women to say stuff like this.

I mean there's obviously something to be said about women on average treating other women more positively than straight men, but I just can't get behind this 'pure different kind of love' stuff. It feels performative and inauthentic.

But if you feel differently I'd be happy to see your thoughts.

In dating, how do you know whether to keep pursuing a relationship with a woman?