im starting to hate my “friends”.
I’m really starting to hate all my “friends” (if thats how you even call them anymore). They call themselves friends, yet they barely even come talk to me or invite me to anything. My “friends” see my presence, yet never acknowledges that I am. They either ignore me, or respond with a message I can’t even add to because of how dry it is. They make my depression worse when it happens (which is constantly) to the point that I want to cut or kill myself because of it.
I have a few close friends, but do I even call them close friends if one of them acts slightly ”strange” around me and “normally” around the other? They don’t comfort me when I’m mad or sad and one gets scared when I’m ANYTHING but happy? They also talk about boys a LOT when I’M not the one to initiate the conversation and it drains me so much that they can’t initiate any other conversation without me doing so. (I know they have a thing where they don’t know what to talk about, but I hate how I have to initiate it every time.)
People around me expect me to stay happy all the time, to make new friends along the way. But when I do, it will always end up back at that same state with my friends at the moment. I try to make bonds, make memories, yet nothing works. They will all always switch up once they see their other group of friends, and stop including me in things (with the whole friend group that I know as well).
I’m getting tired of this shit. I just want to feel seen and loved like how I am with them, even if they don’t show the same amount back. I wish I can fit in groups, and not be the “odd one out”. I can’t even get rid of them because of my attachment issues, and find better ones who can match that.