Depressed GF
Sorry for the long post in advance, but trying to give as much detail as possible*
I (28) and my girlfriend (25) have been dating for a little over 3 years. A few weeks ago we found out she is pregnant. We’ve both always said we wanted kids just not necessarily anytime soon and thought we’d be married before this happened.
Even prior to the pregnancy, she has been stressed about her direction in life (or her purpose) and the pregnancy has just multiplied that stress. She has a college degree in International Studies and Spanish, and currently works in the Accounts Payable department at a company with a shitty culture and she’s been wanting to quit for some time.
She has been wanting to go back to school but is indecisive on what she wants to do, but also feels more pressure now because if she did go to school now, most of her medical expenses regarding the pregnancy would be covered from her fathers disability, but I also told her not to stress it if she is not ready and that we will get through it because I’m in a fairly well spot financially in order to pay for a lot it.
(I have been with the same company for about 5 years and am progressing in my career quite well and like what I do.)
To add to those feelings, she is also feeling a lot of conviction towards herself for becoming pregnant prior to marriage, as she is somewhat religious. (Me not so much, but still find religion to be important for some). Therefore we haven’t told anyone yet.
I know being pregnant is difficult to go through and there will be emotional ups and downs but she seems to always be in a pretty dark mindset.
I try not to “solution” everything and just listen to what she’s feeling but I obviously don’t want her to feel the way she’s feeling so I do offer some options.
I try to stay positive about our future and having a child and emphasize to her I’m not going anywhere and we’ll get through this together and try to burden her from any stress as much as possible.
Some things I’ve been doing to try to help:
1.) She has always been saying how she needs to get more fit and lose weight (which she doesn’t really) and asked me to make her a workout plan which I gladly did and emphasized that 10k steps a day really helps (which I do). This was prior to the pregnancy. She has yet to use it.. and only goes to the gym when I do.
2.) I hide sticky notes sometimes when I leave for work to give her some positive affirmations.
3.) I offer to go to store and get whatever she may be craving.
4.) I offer her to help her find what she may want to go back to school for, but she’s kind of pushed this off as well…
5.) I’ve offered to pay for her to go to therapy but she doesn’t want me paying for it, but she also can’t really afford it herself.
6.) She also is on TikTok/Instagram quite a bit and I suggest to her to limit how much she’s on those as I know it is not good for the mental. Reddit is the only social media I have.
It’s just come to the point where she voices her concerns and complaints, but doesn’t action any of them even with me offering help and just kind of feels sorry for herself, and she doesn’t really take advice or suggestions from me too well as she almost feels attacked. I’m just feeling kind of stuck. I want her to be happy as her happiness affects me as well, but idk what else to do.
Any advice would be great!