For context my husband and I (both 26) and have been together for 8 years.
Since getting married he's been acting odd, at first he was really possessive of how I dressed (too frumpy or too sexy). I told him to back off and he did. Then our bedroom started to die and whenever I asked about it I was told really disheartening things (eg I had stubble on my legs during the winter) or that he just wasn't in the mood. I told him it hurt because it felt like unless I was in lingerie he wasn't interested and that I had to initiate 95% of the time. I used to model (nothing big or fancy) and never felt self conscious of the way I looked.
When I we first started dating I was so under weight you could count all of my ribs and grab my hip bones. I'm a total gym freak and put a lot of effort into gaining healthy weight and being stable. I'm on the evera birth control patch and I capped out its weight limit so we had to start using condoms. He then wasn't staying hard, he made it sound like it was me/ the condoms. At one point he said he felt nothing while in me.
I was able to use just the birth control again. The whole time he was watching me spiral and not eat my favorite treats. I kept asking him if there was any way this wasn't just my weight, he said no and that this wasn't an issue when he was 'solo'. I asked him multiple times.
Sure enough I lost the weight and he still couldn't keep it up. It was a gut dropping moment when I realized he'd been lying to me. I knew it wasn't anything medically wrong. At our age normally this is a porn issue so I waited a few hours so that he was more comfortable and I tried to approach it so he wouldn't be embarrassed when I asked. He told me he was watching porn about 3xs a week which surprised me because it was a lot less than I thought if it was causing this issue. I told him that, and that I had no issues with porn but maybe he should put it on pause and talk to our doctor. He agreed and after the doctor appointment he said that our doctor also didn't know the cause.
Things seemed to be slowly getting better but still weren't 100% plus my confidence was pretty low. A month later We were helping a friend move and I asked to borrow his phone for something, he made a few really bad excuses (battery is low, I held up the charger in my hand) he then letterly ran to the bathroom with it death gripped in his hand. Our mutual friend and I just had to awkwardly stand in the living room waiting. He then came out and handed me the phone, looking nervous.
I stepped out of the room to use his phone and had a nagging feeling, I'd never gone through his phone but after sprinting to the bathroom I thought I should look. He had : chrome, photos and chat gbt all cleared (in that order). He'd also recently opened his messages but I felt bad going through that. Hed also been completely about sleeping poorly but I saw had an alarm set on his home screen for 6am.
I waited until we were home to ask why he ran to the bathroom (I didn't mention going through his phone). He told me he had porn and wanted to make sure it didn't pop up when I opened his phone. I then paused and waited to see if he'd explain more. Then I told him I saw someone on his phone and knew he'd been lying to me (hoping he'd open up more) he looked scared but said he didn't know what I was talking about, I asked about the 6am alarm. He said it was a left over alarm from a few days ago. I then waited, hoping he'd get the hint and tell me more. He didn't so I told him I looked at his most recent apps and chrome was his third app. He lied to me about 5 more times (really badly) until I finally got it out of him that he was watching porn up to 5xs A DAY and using ai to make porn.
Turns out he was waking up at 6 am and periodically through the day building a 'dream girl' and getting chat to make images. It was embarrassing to read the ones where he got too horny and the AI shut him down. The worst part was that he was giving like a book bio on her, what her parents were like, her job, her clothes (who knew this man knew the term soft glam), and would correct her outfits and settings to be more realistic. It was so in detail I worry it's a real person but he says it's not. He was then saving photos of his AI girl to his phone.
It's been 3 days and I'm all sorts of pissed, confused and sad. It feels like an emotional affair meets porn but more lame.
Now I understand he couldn't get hard because of too much porn, and that the AI and porn is also probably why he's been policing my body so much.
I don't know what to do, I don't want to leave but feel like I've been treated really poorly. He was great until we got married.