I have a habit of reading old journal entries. I thank God I left my relationship 2 months ago. Some days, even weeks I forget what I lived. He tried “to win me back” & manipulate me. We still have a home to sell.
Today, I re read an almost 3 year old entry from Oct 2023:
Him: earlier today, you looked so tired so ugly. You looked like you had 3 kids. That is not attractive. You can’t deny me sex!
Me: we’re on a break
Him : I don’t care. If I don’t get it, I’m gonna get it somewhere else. We’ve been having sex and its been working for us.
Me: thinking to myself. I feel forced to have sex. Its not working for me.
Later on on his way to work called me a fucken idiot. His excuse poor sleep.
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I burst out crying when I reread it. I am a survivor of childhood of sexual abuse, hadn’t sleep in years because HE disrupts my sleep and HE had the audacity to insult me?!
I just thank God I left. So we’ll see the harder part comes after leaving, but I think the hardest part is to leave.