u/Delicious-Salad9223

Hi Morgan and THT fam ❤️ I hope you are feeling better! Proud of you for still putting out episodes during this time! I need advice on how to quit my nonprofit job without screwing over the people I actually care about.

I’ve been with the same education nonprofit for almost 10 years. I originally moved cities to join the program as a fellow learning how to become a teacher in urban Title 1 schools. The organization helped me earn my master’s degree, connected me with incredible mentors/professors, and honestly changed the trajectory of my life.

After teaching, I eventually joined the nonprofit itself. Over the years I’ve held 3 roles:
- Fellow/participant
- Academic advisor for our university partnership
- Admissions/recruitment (my current role for the last 3+ years)

I deeply believe in the mission. I care about the students, fellows, professors, and community. That’s part of why this hurts so much.

About 1.5 years ago I told my boss I was ready for career development. She was incredibly supportive at first. We had multiple meetings about my future at the organization.

Then the alumni director quit. Since I’m literally an alum of the program, my boss encouraged me to get involved with alumni work because she said an assistant director alumni role would eventually open and would be “perfect” for me.

So I did extra work. Ran alumni meetings. Took on projects outside my role. Kept hearing “not yet” and “probably soon.”

The role never appeared.

Then another internal role opened in operations. I applied mostly to show leadership/HR I was serious about growing. I made final rounds but lost out to someone objectively more qualified. Fair enough.

Then things got weird.

Someone I was in the program with became an Executive Director (will refer to him as ED) in our city. ED was my peer who I sat in Masters courses with. Had over to my apartment for game nights and parties. We were friends when we were in the program together.

His assistant suddenly quit right when he was hired. My boss AGAIN encouraged me to pursue it and told me it would be a perfect fit. When I met with the ED, he told me the job was mine once it was officially posted. No ifs ands or but’s.

I went through THREE interviews over several months.

Then the HR lady and ED scheduled a “debrief” meeting where they told me I lacked experience and they were going in another direction.

I was honestly devastated. But after a couple days the sadness turned into anger. Not because I think I was entitled to the job, but because I felt massively led on by leadership for over a year. I kept being encouraged to “prove myself,” take on extra responsibilities, and stay patient.

So I started applying everywhere. I’ve interviewed with 7 companies since February and this Monday I got an offer.

Here’s my dilemma:
The woman they hired over me is about to go on maternity leave, which means ED who passed on me is about to be severely understaffed. We also have a huge in-person orientation weekend coming up that the woman they hired over me was supposed to lead and I’m supposed to lead some major sessions for. I KNOW he and my boss are going to ask me to take over some of her sessions.

Part of me wants to quit in a way that absolutely screws over leadership. I feel betrayed and honestly manipulated.

But another part of me feels sick thinking about hurting the incoming fellows. I’ve personally met with almost all of them 1:1. Some are moving across the country for this program the same way I once did. I know how overwhelming and important orientation is.

So… how do I leave?

Do I give standard notice and help transition because I care about the mission?
Do I owe loyalty to people who repeatedly dangled opportunities in front of me and then pulled them away?
Is there a way to leave with dignity while still making it clear they massively mishandled me?

I genuinely don’t know if I’m being too emotional or not emotional enough.