Need some outside perspective on an arranged marriage situation because I genuinely can’t tell if this is incompatibility, my lack of EQ, or both.
I matched with a girl recently and things became emotionally intense very quickly. We both work in Bangalore and met a few times over the last couple of weeks. She is very expressive emotionally and wants a relationship with a lot of closeness, reassurance, frequent calls/texts, emotional availability etc. She openly said she wants a partner who:
- calls her after waking up and before sleeping
- is okay with multiple calls a day
- can listen to her vent whenever she needs, even if it's multiple times a day
- makes her feel like the highest priority
I, on the other hand, am more emotionally steady/slower paced initially. I do think about her, care and communicate, but I’m not naturally someone who can be emotionally “on call” all day.
At the same time, I was also dealing with a family bereavement and had to travel home for post-funeral rituals. Because of that, my headspace was already a bit overloaded with family + work + travel.
A few incidents escalated things:
- One day she said her mood was off and expected me to call quickly. I texted multiple times but delayed calling because I was working and thought she might be busy too. She later said she felt she wasn’t a priority.
- She indirectly wanted me to come over when she was sick. I declined because of work + upcoming travel.
- During discussions, she repeatedly said she fears I’ll eventually reject her because she gets attached quickly and has high emotional expectations.
- I started feeling overwhelmed because every delayed reply/call started feeling emotionally loaded.
- She also felt hurt that I was “analyzing compatibility” logically instead of just emotionally reassuring her.
At the same time, she was actually very honest and self-aware about her fears and attachment patterns. She didn’t hide them.
The confusing part is:
I genuinely think many of the things she wanted might have come naturally over time if things had progressed slowly and calmly. But because everything became intense so fast, I started feeling pressure instead of connection.
Now I’m trying to figure out:
- Is this a genuine compatibility mismatch?
- Was I emotionally unavailable / low EQ?
- Or did both of us just trigger each other’s anxieties?
Would appreciate balanced opinions, especially from married people or people who have gone through arranged marriage setups.