This is just a vent, I’ve post before. I’ve stretched myself to capacity to understand my (46F) wife’s (46NB) communication challenges - their ADHD causes issues with scheduling, hyper fixation, the inability to focus, forgetting to text me back, the NRE with the new partner, I’ve stated my boundaries that I had no more in me to give. I’m ENM, they discovered they are poly and I have been trying so hard bc we have a family and a life together.
But I’m losing respect for myself being with someone who can’t seem to respect me.
This weekend we went on a date - the boundary we have for dedicated date time is to please not text partners unless it’s an emergency and definitely don’t start sexting. I’ve requested that there be phone down during dates before and they forget most of the time, which makes me feel pretty small.
On Sunday, we were out and they disappeared into the bathroom of a bar we were at to wash their hands- but they took twenty minutes and I was suspicious but didn’t say anything in the spirit of trying to be more optimistic.
The day before, the same thing happened but we were with family. They just disappeared in the middle of us all hanging out.
Today, I had to use my wife’s computer bc my laptop wouldn’t work and when I was using it, their texts were pinging (which I don’t typically read) so I ignored them. But then the internet went out and so I looked at our text thread to see if my messages from my phone were populating to theirs (it wasn’t so internet was down).
But I catch my wife had the thread up from their other partner and that 20 minute bathroom trip on Sunday and the day before? Was a video they sent of themselves to their partner while I (and our family the day before) was dutifully waiting like an idiot. The pinging was them inviting their partner over to their office (they’re self employed) for sex while I was asking if I could come by and use the Internet and they ignored me.
I’m working on calming my nervous system down before I react but I’m so angry and so hurt and I feel so done.
Their hinging is atrocious, they told their partner about our intimate life, about my past, and I’ve just been trying to play catchup.
I feel like a fool.