AITAH for questioning my friend’s sexuality?
My friend claims to be pansexual, and is adamant about it every time sexualities and dating become the topic of discussion. Sexuality is a spectrum for everyone, so I try not to be critical, but she doesn’t seem interested in women at all. In fact, I’d argue that she has a strong aversion to women, or wlw content at least.
Whenever I bring up women in a romantic manner, she gets hesitant. Whenever I bring up women in a sexual manner, she only ever sees it as a joke or very straightforwardly expresses a strong discomfort. Whenever I bring up spaces/events made specially for lesbians, she waters it down to just “a day with the girlies!!” and not a space made specifically for lesbians.
She drools over men, very openly and very loudly. She actively seeks out and anticipates men when she tries dating. She praises men often, and even rants about how she needs a man specifically when she’s feeling lonely. The only time I’ve heard her say she wants to be with a woman is when she’s “jokingly” being desperate. Even with fictional media, she’s quick to push the women aside unless they have some extraordinary qualities that are hard to ignore, yet falls for the men with no hesitation. And I don’t mean any of this in a “ew, she LOVES men!!” kind of way, the difference in how she talks about both genders is just THAT drastic.
I feel bad questioning it, cuz again, sexuality is a spectrum. I don’t label myself but I have a strong preference for women. I desire women sexually and romantically without needing the extra push for that feeling of desire. I like men, just to a very small extent, and I often find myself needing to get super close to men before I see them in a romantic or sexual way. I’m very open about that. It feels like my friend isn’t being honest with herself about her sexuality, and I can’t just ask her “what makes you identify as pansexual?” or “can you explain your sexuality in depth to me?” I talked about this with her in a very brief way, and she said than I see her sexuality as “black and white” and that bothered me, cuz she’s only ever shown me the “black” side of her sexuality, or whatever color you associate men with lol. The only reason why this matters so much to me is cuz I hate when ppl contradict themselves in such blatant ways, and I get made out to be a villain every time I acknowledge her hard to understand identity.
Edit: Forgot to mention that this is a throwaway account, and idk if it matters but we’re both 24F.