Some backstory, I share a 13 year old son with my ex. We split before he was born, but we’ve always maintained an amicable co-parenting relationship. We’ve never been to court for custody(both agreed to 50/50) and neither has ever paid the other child support(we split costs evenly for things like sports, phone, etc). Pretty ideal when it comes to co-parenting. We are both remarried and have children with our current spouses.
Earlier this year, my son’s dad informed me that they are moving to a different state because his wife’s family is there, and they can’t keep up with cost of living in our current state. My son had no interest in moving with them when this first came up. Well now, a few weeks before they move, my son has decided he wants to move with them. He said it’s because his dad has convinced him that sports are better/more competitive out there. (I’m not an athlete, I have no idea about that) But I am respecting my son’s decision, and supporting him as best as I can, while internally falling apart. I’m heartbroken. I’m angry. NOT at my son, but just the situation. It feels unfair. And yes, I know that’s selfish. It wasn’t my choice to move and unfortunately, we just can’t make it work to make the move as well. My husband and I both have all of our family in our current state. I also have an established and thriving business here, that would take me years to establish all over again. Not to mention my husband’s job, which isn’t remote. My son’s dad works remotely and his wife is a SAHM. The move is much more feasible for them. But because of their choice, I now have to live hours away from my first born, who I have an amazing relationship with. (Again, I know how selfish that sounds) I’m sad about all the things that I will now miss out on, especially with him starting high school soon. My younger two also absolutely adore their brother, and I’m just as heartbroken for them. They already have a hard time on the weeks he is at his dad’s.
I plan to fly out there as much as I can, but owning a business and having two small children will make it less often than I hope, I think. We also plan to fly him here on school breaks/holidays, as well as FaceTime calls weekly. But any other advice for me on how to maintain our strong relationship? And just how to cope with all of this in general? I always make sure my kids know they come first, and now it feels like I’m abandoning him.