Small victories
Bipolar 2 + BPD Diagnosed 15 yrs ago, medicated and reasonably stable for 11 yrs (give or take some minor depressive times plus mild hypomania every 6 months or so)Its 16 days since I had a huge MH crisis which resulted in me ending up intubated in resus...this was an accumulation of a huge depressive episode that had been getting progressively worse over the last few months
I was trying to deal with it myself...rather arrogantly assuming because Im a veteran of this and had no need of help...what a twat I was....🙄
Once I was home I realized how close I came to death and it made me ashamed and scared at the same time. Since then Ive been pretty much a shut in as the thought of the outside world is too scary and overwhelming but Ive also come to the conclusion that I have to heal...and healing isnt a linear path...Im still taking my meds and last Friday I finally reached out to my GP, they had been trying to reach me as they were informed of my admission to A&E. So...although its well n truly out of character for me I told her everything and admitted I need help, she was amazing and we have a plan in place...which includes a re-referral to Psychiatric Team. Sunday I opened my bedroom curtains and let light in. Yesterday I changed my bed linen...today I took a shower finally and am now building up to....drum roll....take the rubbish outside...
Am I still feeling overwhelmed and scared? Yes. Am I hopeful that tomorrow I will be able to do more? Yes...But, am I going to hate myself if I dont? Last week I would have said yes, but today Im ok with how I am right now...Im healing. Sending you all some love and hugs and hope