Shaun used to be energetic with a million friends surrounding him. These last two months he’s changed. He has insecurities surrounding his body, his single-status, and his finances, I made the mistake of sharing some of my finances with him and realized he is deeply triggered by things like debt, bills, and budgeting. He is constantly looking around his house for things to sell for cash online. If his grocery bill is larger than he anticipated he spirals. He says he is not behind in bills/payments. His parents show up for him in times of monetary need. He was promoted and then stepped down one month later because he decided leadership just wasn’t for him. Shaun downsized his apartment to save on rent and shortened his commute by 30 minutes. I recently paid him $1000 to help me with a project.
I understand in this economy how rough it is to be single. My partner and I split all our expenses and we invest. I feel as though Shaun is resentful of my situation because he’s constantly bringing up how he has no money and that he cannot go anywhere because that would mean he has to spend. Shaun sent me a break down of his budget, including what he makes. Indeed he has to live frugally, but he should still be saving money with his sacrifices. I suggested the idea of a roommate, but he only wants to room with me, all his friends are married. Shaun has started to make plans with friends and back out of them, citing money as the reason or his social battery is drained. But then complains about not having people to spend time with or people hit him up less often now. He said he still wants the pleasure of being invited to events even if he cannot afford it. then promptly complains about friends asking him to spend money.
He says when he is on the dating apps he looks at different profiles of women, he finds himself thinking “I bet she can’t afford that car” “She travelled to Mexico, I bet she couldn’t afford that”. I stopped sharing with him much of what I buy now.
Shaun is overweight. He does walk 10,000 steps a day at his job. I am no exercise expert but I tried to explain to him that his body is used to that amount of work and therefore needs to challenge himself with something else. He doesn’t have the motivation to do any physical activity other than walk his dog before and after work. I have offered to do some weighted walking challenges with him since walking is what he prefers. He replied “maybe in a few months” back in January. Whenever I see his name light up on my phone I groan. Ive said it makes me sad hearing him beat himself up and explained the grace he should have for doing life alone. He has an answer for every suggestion. I changed tactics and tried to validate him, thinking he just needs to get it out of his system. rants are just get longer. Now I am just kind of acknowledging his complaints but no longer trying to dive into any kind of reason or solution for them. Shaun is starting to get short with me, aita?