u/DefiantHunt72

I have been struggling with depression for years now. About 8 months ago I went to a psych ward because I wanted to stop going to school and do online school instead. In my head it was the only way I could convince my mom to do so. I have been home since trying to distract myself with video games and movies but it doesn't work anymore. I've been telling myself I can just get a job and do this until college. But I haven't been trying to get a job. I just sit at home all day trying to forget who I am by staring at a computer screen for 12 hours a day. I have no friends. A lot of people say that and I believe there are levels to that. But I mean it in the literal sense. I have cut off all the people I knew when I was younger, writing them off as annoying and stupid. All the friends I made in rehab didn't keep in contact with me. And I didn't have any friends at the high school I used to go to. And I understand why. I went to a weird alt school with a crowd I don't fit in with. I also used to be quite fat and didn't dress well. But I changed all that. I am, from the outside, almost the perfect version of my self. For sure I am the best I have ever been right now. But how do I go about making friends now? This shit seems to just come naturally to 90% of the population so maybe some of you could help me out for once. I could go back to senior year at a different towns school, but that's a complete gamble. It seems everyone already has their friends. I really don't ask for much but seriously I can't go on alone like this. My mind has deteriorated so much in a year and I know it can get worse. Everyone always likes me, finds me funny. But then they so easily turn their back on me and think I'm nothing. This all seems like some sick joke to me.