u/Defiant-Valuable-876

Im turning 29 this year and I’m thinking of going back to school to get my pre reqs for the certified anesthesiologist assistant program. Im currently an analyst but every-time I come to work it feels like my soul is leaving my body and don’t have the motivation. I am trying to figure out what Im truly passionate about. I dive in my past and figuring out what made me happy. I remember volunteering at a hospital just discharging patients and that honestly put a smile on my face.

Back in undergrad i definitely was a lazy student and graduated in business with a 2.7 GPA. I plan on working full time still enrolling in Bio and chem 1 + labs in fall but I’m conflicted. I’m constantly telling myself you had never experienced hardship to how can you know if you’re capable or not but the fear of failure is on my mind as well.

I know I would need to get mostly A’s to boost up my GPA and will be very difficult especially in classes such as Org chem, physics, bio chem, anatomy/physiology.

Anyone else felt conflicted and was scared to take the next step but just forced yourself to do it without any second thoughts? I would love to read everyone’s story!

I had a 8 am meeting today but I woke up and didn’t see the meeting anymore on teams thinking it was cancelled (Microsoft teams issue). I checked my inbox and didn’t see a cancellation email so I messaged the host of the meeting to see if it was cancelled or not but didn’t receive a response.

My manager comes up to me and asks why I didn’t join it and I showed her my calendar and told her it wasn’t on it. She then goes you need to be proactive and message me your manager. I messaged the host of the meeting the fuck. I was being proactive.

My manager is annoying and everytime she doesn’t see me doing things her way she always says you’re not being proactive. So I might be on a PIP soon lol. I do all my work and honestly if I get fired good luck to her cause i’ve dashboards and automations for some teams outside of US as well in customer service.

Time to start finding another job?

I messed up and I know it, now I have a bunch of lingering thoughts and regrets. The context is I went to the strip club for a friends bachelor and went into the backroom. I was drunk and in that present moment, I didn't have any thoughts and just went with it. I didn't think about potential consequences or question my decision because I was intoxicated. The reason she found out is because someone from the group (who was a friend of my friend but was there for a different bachelor, it was a joint bach) told a friend and the word spread which then made me tell my ex. I broke a level of trust and disregarded boundaries which I know is really messed up. We broke up about 5 months ago so it's still fresh and she's friends with my friends so she'll be at functions and stuff.

Knowing I'm not a bad person who deliberately cheats and genuinely made a huge mistake by not being honest is making myself think negative thoughts about myself. I'm still reflecting and trying to become a better person. I'm focusing on taking care of my health by working out, developing skills for my career, reading, etc.

Is this normal to feel this way? I know I'm just human but I don't know, it feels like I'm just bringing myself down when I think of things like this. Like why did I do it in the first place knowing I love her so much and I know she still cares about me but we physically can't talk person to person, since she is out of the country for work. and thinking I doubt she'll take me back because I'm thinking that she will think "why would I get back with a person who broke a level of trust and stepped over boundaries."