Problem/Goal:
While I was lying down, I couldn’t help but cry. Akala ko mabibigyan ko na ng complete family ang anak ko. Akala ko may tatay na tatayo bilang father figure para sa kanya, since hindi nag-stand up yung biological father niya.
Ang sakit lang na parang nabigo na naman ako, at nadamay pa yung anak ko sa lahat.
That thought made me cry. Hinug ko siya, akala ko tulog na siya.
While hugging him, habang umiiyak ako, I said, “Anak, I’m sorry I failed you. I’m sorry na hindi kita mabibigyan ng complete family, and I’m sorry na nasasaktan ka ngayon dahil sa nangyari between me and Tito E mo. I wish I could take your pain sana sa’kin na lang lahat ng sakit.”
Then he said: “Mommy, bakit mo po sinasabi na mapunta sa’yo yung pain ko? Ayoko, Mommy. Ayokong nasasaktan ka.”
And then he started crying too… and I broke down even more. Napahagulgol ako lalo.
Pero sa gitna ng sakit na ‘to, I’m holding on to God. I don’t understand everything right now, but I believe He sees my tears and my child’s pain.
I trust that even if this family doesn’t look how I imagined it, God can still heal what is broken and guide us to something better.
Advice:
Maybe this is not the ending of hope, but the beginning of healing. I pray that God covers my child with peace, and gives me strength to become the mother he needs, even if life is not perfect.
Lord, kung nasasaktan kami ngayon, please hold us together. Heal what I cannot fix, and lead us to the right path in Your time kase hindi ko na kaya Lord.