Mother's Day Upset
Hi All,
I am trying to decide if how I feel is an over reaction. I am really upset with my partner today and feel let down.
For context, Mother's Day is a big deal to me (F late 30s)as I have always wanted to be a mother. We officially adopted our son this year and have had three Mother's Days with him. My partner (mid 40s F) says she doesn't care about mother's day and doesn't feel like a parent. Despite this, over the last three years I have made a point to celebrate her on both Mother's Day and Father's Day.
We had agreed that we would spend part of the day Saturday individually with our mothers (I would take our son) and that Sunday would be a day to be together, just the three of us. My mom got into an accident and her car was undrivable when she came to see me on Saturday (yesterday). Without getting too into it, mom is ok (thankfully!) but it was an emotional day trying to sort things out (insurance, rental care, etc.). I was so upset and worried sick about my mom (she had some minor injuries and was really shook up). My partner was going to take off and I was sobbing and I asked her if it was possible to stay with me because my nerves were gone. She said ok but only if she can see her mom tomorrow. I said sure, of course but it's supposed to be our day, can you go see her for a bit (a couple hours) and then we can have most of the day together?
Last night she had a bunch of plans to see her childhood friends and her mom and her mom's friend today. I said ok but you're only going for a bit (a couple hours), right? She got huffy and made a comment about how much time I spend with my mom. I only see my mom once every 3 months or so. My mother-in-law is constantly over at our house weekly for HOURS, honestly it's a bit overwhelming and her mother has been unnecessarily hostile to me in the past. That's not really relevant but I am mentioning it here to explain that she does frequently have the chance to see her mother. I said I don't care how much time she spends with her mother but am a little disappointed because it's Mother's Day and I am the primary caregiver to our young son and feel like I should be prioritized. Obviously I understand her wanting to see her mother on Mother's Day and I am ok with it to a point. The thing I am upset with is that she spent 3 hours with me and my son and then took off and said well I hope my mom and her friend don't take TOO long. I said why don't you drive separately when you want to come home. And she got angry with me. Her mother can be very nice but she can also be very inconsiderate of others and will show up to things 3 hours late or take off with my partner while we are hosting gatherings. Leaving me to manage stuff on my own. Anyways, she left at noon and will be back around 5:30-6 (knowing what she is like with her family, that will turn into 7-8ish at night).
I am very hurt and feel let down. My son is also special needs and requires lot, don't get me wrong he is the sweetest little boy. But this mother's day feel like a huge let down.
TLDR: Wife left me ( the primary caregiver/mom) on Mother's Day to see her mom for 5-8hours. Despite knowing how important this day is to me.