[26M] How do I prepare and mentally accept a life of solitude as I age?
I am a 26 year old guy, and I’m trying to figure out how to accept that my life is probably going to be a lonely one.
For context, I have about four friends I see from time to time, but it happens less and less as time goes by. I have never touched a woman, so on the romantic front, things are essentially non-existent. I don't have any extended family aside from my parents, and their health is currently declining.
I’ve felt a deep sense of loneliness since I was 16. Over the last ten years, I’ve spoken to five different therapists trying to change who I am, and I am still exactly the same. I don't have autism or Asperger's. I have read hundreds of posts and watched hundreds of hours of content trying to fix this about myself, but I have failed miserably. At my age, I have never been to a single party or had the classic experience of going out and having fun with a group of friends.
The simple reality is that the odds are not in my favor. As I enter my late 20s, the cultural reality here in Spain is that most friend circles have already cemented, making it incredibly difficult to break in and make new friends after high school or college.
I am lucky enough to live alone in a terrible housing market, but I have nobody to do things with. I’d like to travel, but my brain immediately asks, "what for?" if I have no one to share it with.
I feel like this constant isolation is taking a toll on my physical and mental health. I work and go to university part-time (both online), so I am busy during the week. But today is Saturday, and when the clock hits 9 PM, the sadness, boredom, and loneliness hit me like a truck.
I guess I am not sure how to put this, but how do I mentally prepare for the very high chance that my life will look exactly like this for the rest of time? How do you accept a life of solitude?