Hello Reddit,
I normally wouldn’t post here, but I really need advice from more people than just my best friend and my sister.
Growing up, my mother pushed me into violin and piano from a very early age (around 3–4 years old) with the expectation that I would become a violin soloist. I had to practice every day for 1–2 hours. I never had any real passion for it, but if I didn’t meet expectations, I would get yelled at—and when I was younger, even hit. She always said I would be grateful one day. I’m not.
Our relationship has always been difficult. There was a lot of yelling, things being thrown and broken (including phones), and once she even smashed a glass bottle into my door when I tried to hide. I won’t even get into the pressure around school and grades.
At one point, things got so bad that my grandmother contacted youth services after I broke down to her while my dad and younger sister were away. My mother ended up blaming me for that too.
Over the years, things improved a little, but the underlying issues never really went away.
Now I’m an adult and have moved out. A few weeks ago, I visited home and came out to my mother. She reacted very badly. When I also tried to explain that parts of my upbringing had hurt me and are still affecting me today—and suggested she might consider therapy because of her anger—she completely lost it and didn’t speak to me for the rest of my visit.
After I left, I ignored her calls for about a month because I didn’t have the energy for more conflict. When we finally spoke again, she said I was incredibly selfish for ignoring her and that she didn’t raise me that way. I told her I wasn’t ignoring her for no reason, but because I was hurt and emotionally drained. She hung up and said she might delete my number.
Here’s my problem: I’m currently looking for a place to live, and where I am, even shared apartments are expensive. I realistically depend on her financial support. But the idea of “making peace” with her just so she helps me feels wrong and honestly makes me feel sick.
At the same time, I might be without housing in two months.
I feel stuck. Do I try to reconcile just to secure my situation? Or do I keep my distance and risk losing stability?
Any advice or similar experiences would really help.