Hi, we are F(24) and M(23)
Our relationship started normally—we met at university. At first, I developed a crush on him, but he had his eye on someone else, so we remained friends. He was in a relationship with that person for about a month, and we didn’t have much contact then. After they broke up (around two weeks later), he started texting me again. It worked out that we were talking every day for about two weeks, and then we went out together. During that outing, he said he’d actually like to ask me on a date. After two weeks, he already said he loved me (which felt a bit strange).
Eventually, we got into a relationship. We’ve been together for 19 months now, but for about the last 7 months things haven’t been going well, and I’m exhausted.
I genuinely feel like what I say doesn’t get through to him, and he doesn’t pay attention to whether something is tactful or not. I cried because of him for two days, and today he decided to tease me about a topic he knows is sensitive for me. I broke down crying again and told him I don’t know if our relationship still makes sense. He cried on my shoulder and then left for work—that’s all that happened.
The thing is, we’ve had this conversation many times...
Recently, we were supposed to have a date in the evening, but he called me and asked if we could go out with friends instead (later he explained that they had asked him to call). I’m tired of the fact that he ALWAYS sees some other option besides me.
There was also a sensitive situation where I was sleeping in the next room, and during that time he found a photo of himself kissing his ex and didn’t even bother to delete it. (He told me about it in the morning, and I had to explain why that wasn’t okay toward me—and he still barely understood.)
I feel like he struggles to put himself in my position and lacks empathy. He has difficulty imagining consequences. He doesn’t think before he speaks or asks something.
That’s why I’ve started to think that maybe I don’t actually take up enough space in his heart for him to consider these things. Maybe he doesn’t carry me in his heart every day the way I carry him. I feel a difference in how we love—I give him my whole heart, and I don’t get the same in return.
Despite everything, he is caring—he asks how my day was, I get flowers, he’s loyal. I had to fight for dates, but they do happen sometimes. In general, he takes care of me… but he completely forgets to make his words and promises match his actions, and that has made my trust issues even worse.
I don't know what to do. Should I book couples therapy or smh... Im so tired and i think about leaving sometimes